The Strawberry Protector: Reincarnated
by Y-T3cH
Summary: Ichigo had a full life. He got a job, fell in love, married, had kids and died at the ripe old age of 112. But then the soul king decided to dump his ass in the past. Now ichigo is reborn as Kaien and Miyako's son. How will the most powerful shinigami to ever exist deal with the coming threats but at the same time juggle being a child. Time Travel. Chibi-Ichigo.
1. Chapter 1: Fuck You Soul King!

_I do not own bleach.  
_

 _ **Chapter 1: Fuck You Soul King!**_

"This is fucking EMBARRASSING!

No No Na Na Na….. I ain't doing this!

And YOU….. YOU Pale Ass Fuck….. Stop Laughing or I am going to CUT OFF YOUR BALLS AND SHOVE THEM DOWN YOUR THROAT!"

However this didn't deter the albino hollow/zanpakto spirit one bit. Instead those words made the hollow roll on the floor- and-twist-and-turn laughing as if his life depended on it.

It didn't help Ichigo's temper that the Older Zanpakto had lost all his iconic stoic appearance and was also laughing openly at its wielder. Containing himself barley, from falling and the floor and roll around laughing like the other spirit that resided in his wielders soul.

"FUCKING DICKS! The Both Of You!", Ichigo growled aloud.

" **Such Language doesn't suite someone of Ya Stature, My Liege!",** the hollow barely contained himself to say those two lines. But as soon as he said them and he started rolling around convulsing in laughter at his own joke as if he was about to explode.

"You Think This Is Funny…?! YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?!", Ichigo said in a Pissed off tone, just about to gut the hollow and the old man simultaneously.

" _Well…..",_ Older Zanpakto spirit was about to put his two cents in but was interrupted by its wielder.

"Don't Say It Old Man. Or I Will Take those glasses and SHOVE THEM SO FAR UP YOUR ASS THAT THEY WILL HAVE TO PERFROM AN OPEN HEART SURGERY TO REMOVE IT!"

At this the old man did collapse in Laughter and started rolling around on the ground like his hollow counterpart, all previous dignity lost.

"THAT'S IT! YOUR FUCKING DEAD! AND AFTER I HAVE KILLED YOU, I WILL HUNT DOWN JUSHIRO AND I WILL SKEWER HIM SO MANY TIMES THAT HE LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING GARDEN SPRINKLER!", Ichigo said as he lunged towards his zanpakto spirits to make good on his threat with both swords in his hand.

However the Zanpakto spirits didn't move. Didn't try to dodge the attack. Didn't even take out their swords to parry the attack. Because they simply couldn't. They still too busy laughing. And the laughter still had control of their limbs and body.

How could it not.

Once upon a time, the most feared shinigami. The most powerful shinagimi in all 4 realms, stood in front of them

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Wielding two swords, A large Khyber knife and a smaller Trench knife,

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At the physical age of an infant,

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In a diaper,

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Spewing curses at them in a baby voice. A BABY VOICE!

The scene was just so absurdly hilarious that the zanpakto's just couldn't control themselves.

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!", Ichigo tried to roar while kicking the laughing hollow, but it just fucking came out even cuter. This of Couse in no way helped in abstaining the laughter, only aggravating it.

"Juuusssssshhhhhhhhhhhhiiiirrrrrroooooooooooooo!", the infant Ichigo screamed in anger at the sky, promising cold retribution to the holder of the called out name.

Somewhere on division13 grounds, Jushrio sneezed and felt a shiver pass down his spine.

* * *

After the War with the quincies ended, Ichigo went back to his normal human life. But the soul society had to deal with a lot of changes. First of all, the Soul King was dead. So immediately after the war, The Monk hit a bit of luck and before all the realms could collapse on themselves due to lack of a linch pin, and he revived Jushiro Ukitake, the Previous Captain of Division 13 of the Gotei 13 and crowned him the soul king. Because he still had the essence of the previous soul king in him.

Shunsui had become the new Captain Commander of the gotei 13 and under his guidance it grew into an even mightier organization than it was under Yamamoto's authority.

However what none of the people in soul society, earth or heuco mundo knew was that, they were living on borrowed time. This information was only privileged to the residents of the Royal Realm.

In the coming years after the quincy war, Ichigo fell in love, married and had kids and even grandkids with Orihime Inoue.

He went to Johns Hopkins Med School, in USA. Orihime went with him, to learn culinary arts in Usa as well as be with him.

Orihime fessed up on their 20th anniversary that she only did that because she was afraid that some white chick would steal Ichigo. Ichigo said, he already knew that and that just made the sex even hotter.

They both came back to Karakura eventually and Ichigo took over the mantle of running the family clinic while orihime opened her own bakery and then eventually a chain of restaurants called "Straberry's…!"

At the age of 30, ichigo and orihime had their first child, Kazui. However he didn't have any spiritual pressure what-so-ever and the parents were secretly very thankful for that, because now their child could have a normal sprit free childhood.

Eventually Isshin retired and went to soul society to take over the captaincy of the 7th division at the request of Captain Commander.

It was very hard on Kazui, because to him his grandfather had not retired but passed away. But as every child does, Kazui coped with it because of the love and support of his parents.

Ichigo still kept in touch with all his friends from the soul society even when he was living his normal life. He even helped then in another major war and to solve a couple more crisis quickly.

Eventually, his sadness re-entered his life, when the love of his life, Orihime passed away in her sleep at the age of 77. They both were shocked to see the sprit form of Orihime standing above her body with a cut off chain dangling from her chest.

Their friends, family, children, grandchildren and whole of soul society's upper echelon came to the funeral to give their condolences to both Ichigo and Orihime. The shinigami friends of the couple also promised to locate orihime and take care of her once she passes through.

After the official funeral, they cried in each other's arms the whole day, made love in spirit form, cried some more and said their good byes. They realized they were lucky to have found each other and spent 60 years of their lives with each other, when most people don't even get 6 months. They were happy about that.

With a brave face giving courage to Ichigo, Orihime lifted Ichigo's hand which held his sword and gently pushed its hilt against her forehead. "Thank You for a wonderful life Kurosaki-kun. You were the best…t-the best thing that ever happened to me. Now don't be sad too much when I am gone, okay? Because you know when you are sad, you make me c-cry…", Orihime said sniffling and crying openly seeing her husband cry as well.

As light began to engulf Orihime even more, Ichigo came closer to her face, tucked a strand of her hair behind her right ear and gave one last passionate kiss to his now departing wife. They touched foreheard to forehead, supporting each other while Ichigo had his right hand in the back of her hair. "You take care of yourself, my stupid-beautiful-airhead." He gave her a short kiss just as her form started becoming transparent. "You are the be-best thing to ever happen to me too. I love you Orihime Kurosaki. I always will.", just as he said that Orihime disappeared with a smile on her face and tears in her eyes.

Ichigo found out a year later that Rukia tracked orhime down when she appeared in north 1st district. Although he was sad to find out that she had no memory of her life with him and looked no older than 15 years old, the same age when she discovered her spirit powers.

Life without orihime was hard for Ichigo but like everything he dealt with it and moved forward.

At age 112, death finally knocked on the door of the old shinagimi. But unlike his younger days, when he thought he would die fighting, it was a more peaceful version he had not expected.

On his death bed, he was surrounded by his 3 grandchildren and their families – filled with spouses, great grandchildren, their spouses and great great grandchildren. His own son having passed on 5 years earlier. By all means it was a happy death.

Again to invite him into the afterlife stood all his shinigami friends in the same hospital room. Unseen by any member of his family due to lack of reiatsu. This included his father, shunsui,rukia, renji, ikkaku, yumichika, kira, kenpachi, shinji, kisuke, yuroichi, tessai, jinta, ururu, uryu (now a shinigami after death), chad (now a shinigami after death), tatsuki (now a shinigami after death) & even Orihime (now a shinigami after death) having regained her memories of life with Ichigo thanks to a crazy experiment by Kisuke.

His only guess for others like byakuya not being there was that somebody had to be in soul society to protect it.

The ventilator stopped, Ichigo closed his eyes and emerged from his body in his usual shinigami garb with a cut up soul chain sticking out of his chest.

He was given pats on the back and hugs inviting him officially into his afterlife by his soul reaper friends. Kenpachi just grinned at having a chance at a rematch after 30 years. Rukia, tatsuki and orihime just cried even knowing there was no need too. After giving rukia and tatsuki hugs to calm them down he moved closer to Orihime.

They kissed in the greeting that lost lost lovers would. Ichigo grinned, she smiled.

"Orihime its been sooo long…. Do me…..", Ichigo said and as soon as he said it he realized it was a slip of tongue. But not before every women in the room went red as a tomato and every man started laughing.

"I Mean DO IT! God Dammit, I Mean Konso you perverts.", Ichigo said in a flustered voice. But the women kept getting redder and the men kept laughing more loudly.

Realizing a lost battle when he saw one, he grabbed orihime by the ass and pulled her in close and laid another deep kiss on her. "Screw it, Sometimes my mouth says things that my dick is thinking. But only when you are around hime." He laid another kiss on her. Sounds of cheering and woo's could be heard from the shinigami in the room.

Before doing the Konso, both Ichigo and Orihime took a look at THEIR grieving Family. The family that they started and it now kept on growing. They looked at each other, happiness in their eyes. Happiness that their family will keep on going without them.

They were ready. He was ready. For their next adventure.

Orihime took out her zanpakto and performed a konso on Ichigo after giving him a peck on the cheek while slyly whispering in his ear to be safe.

"You guys better find me quick or I will kick your ass renji."

Renji fake protested, why would he only kick his ass. To which, ichigo's only reply was "Cause I feel like you deserve it."

Renji was about to protest but seeing nods in affirmation from the surrounding shinigami made his courage faulter.

Giving a fake sigh, he said to himself, 'I liked to see you try strawberry.'

The light engulfed ichigo and he disappeared form the human world.

* * *

Ichigo expected a lot of things, but waking up in the royal realm was not one of them.

He nearly pissed himself, when the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was The Monks smiling face, an inch away from his own.

"What are you trying to do, give me a heart attack?", Ichigo replied in fake anger but happy to see an old friend after almost a century.

"So you gonna tell me what am I doing here. And why am I not in soul society and where are we going", Ichigo inquired following the monk.

"It's good to see you too old friend. And we are going to meet the Soul King. He was to talk to you about something." He answered Ichigo's query.

Ichigo just shrugged at it, because even he knew he was a kind-of-a-big-deal in the spirit realm and it would be understandable that the current ruler who was previously a good acquaintance of his would want to meet and greet him.

Although he did think it was kind of unnecessary and odd, he didn't particularly mind. Then a question popped into his head. "Hey, please tell me he isn't going to ask me to be a part of the royal guard or something. I like you guys and all; and if you ever need help I would be here in a giffy but I would like to stay in seireitei. My wife and all my friends are down there."

"Don't worry Ichigo, I am certain, that is not what he has in mind", replied the monk. That just raised more questions for Ichigo than it gave answers too.

Ichigo decided to hold his tongue till he met Jushiro.

Finally they reached the spirit king's chambers and the monk knocked on the huge doors.

"Enter", a sick sounding coughing voice said from inside.

As they went inside, Jushiro came into Ichigo's view.

He looked even sicker than he did when he used to have his tuberculosis attacks.

The doctor in him, jumped into action at the sight of a patient.

He quickly tried to ascertain what was wrong with the Soul King.

He diagnosed, some form of cancer or autoimmune disorder which was attacking his organs from the inside. He also concluded from his brief examination there is massive internal hammeraging. And a very weak pulse. His condition was beyond repair. Beyond Treatment. Beyond Saving. Not even orihime could help here. The massive amount of reiatsu it will take to stabilize him will kill her even before she is half done.

"Well you look like crap." Ichigo offered the grimm news playfully.

His reflexes were sharp enough to avoid the smack aimed at the back of his head by the monk for his previous comment to the soul king.

Ducking under the smack, Ichigo just turned around and scowled at the Monk. "I was about to give him the diagnosis. I was easing into it."

"No need Ichigo-san. I know I am dying. That's why you are here.", Jushiro paused to let it sink in.

Ichigo scrowled, folded his arms and ordered the Soul King to, "Explain."

"Ichigo-san, as you know when the previous soul king died **Ichibē** -san revived me and crowned me as the new soul king as I still had some of the essence of the previous soul king inside of me.

He did it because, without a soul king all the realms would implode and life as we know it would end.

However, to be a soul king you need a lot of reaitsu because reiatsu is what is required to maintain the balance of souls.

When the quincies attacked, they killed hollows by the hundreds of millions and left reshi bombs to kill hundreds of millions more.

As you know, sometimes hollows are just one corrupted soul. But as you go up on their hierarchy like for example Gillian, its thousands of hollow souls combined into one entity. For adjucas level hollows its hundreds of thousands. And it only keeps getting higher from there.

Now when the quincy attacked, they did a mass extermination of all types of hollows in hecuo mundo. And when a quincy kills a hollow it is completely destroyed and the soul never enters the rebirth cycle. During their purge they erased billions of souls from existence.

These billions of souls not entering the rebirth cycle is what has cause imbalance of a catastrophic scale.

Now as it is mine, that is soul kings responsibility to maintain the balance of souls, these missing billions of souls are draining on my power and my life force. And I never had that much power to being with.

So that is the reason, I am dying. And there is nothing that you can do to save me."

Soul King paused due to a coughing fit and waited for a few second to let the information sink in.

Ichigo was still patiently listening like a hawk with stoic expression on his face. Jushiro realized that the child he once knew had matured quite a bit into an understanding adult. 'Maybe having to deal with his own children had taught him so much patience', Jushiro pondered for a second before continuing.

"You must still be wondering, why are you here. Well Ichigo-san, I won't take much of your time because I don't have much of mine to spare anyways.

I need you to go back in time and fix it. Deal with Aizen, Zanpakto rebellion and all the other problems we face before the quincy war that lead to the weakening of soul society when the quincy arrived."

He let it sink in for a second. But ichigo's unchanging posture and unchanging emotion was unnerving. Still he continued, taking the silence as an opportunity to make his case.

"Look, Ichigo-san I know what you are thinking. You have friends and family here you do not want to leave behind. But I am sorry. If there was any other way…

I can also understand if you refuse to do this. But know this, this has to be done by you and no one else. No one else can do it. And if you refuse, you can spend next couple of days with your friends and family, because after that I am going to die and then the worlds will end, all of them.

It is your choice Ichigo-san. It is in your hands to save them all or let them die."

Jushiro was ashamed that he used the emotional blackmail card, but he was running out of options.

"How long have you know about this? I mean, this problem being unfixable?", Ichigo finally broke his silence.

"Since the time, I was crowned the new king.", Jushiro replied with all his honesty.

"Then why ask me now. Why wait till now?", Ichigo enquired.

"The afterlife had demanded a lot from you even before you were 20. You took part in multiple wars and fought with us, in wars that no one had the right to involve you in. Still you put your life on the line, time and time again, without asking for anything. I thought if we were going to demand something else from you, you should at least be able to live your human life to the fullest first.

Please forgive me ichigo-san", The Soul King tried to bow to apologise but was stopped mid-way by Ichigo.

"You have nothing to apologise for, Jushiro-san. I think I owe you a thanks, in fact. Because of you I was able to live a relatively-normal human life that I never thought I would have. I have no regrets with my life. I was happy when I died. I am happy now. And if going back in time is what it takes to save all worlds then I will do it.

But I just have one question. Why me?", Ichigo asked.

"Because only a member of royal family with reiatsu reserves the size of soul king or larger could make the journey." Jushiro said with a smile, seeing Ichigo's subsequent reaction.

"W-…Wh-…. What?", Ichigo asked dumbstruck.

"Yes you are technically a part of the royal family on your mother's side. The Quincy King was Soul King's son and your mother was one of his direct decedents. Which make you a grandson of the old soul king and part of his family.", Jushiro even in his state was very amused to see, Ichigo Kurosaki Shiba, the strongest soul reaper to ever live, in a goldfish mode."

"Shall we get started then?", Jushiro asked?

"Wait, jushiro san do you think we can postpone till the end of the day? I can't leave just like that. I need to say my good byes. My friends deserve it. And I think you should talk to shunsui. He deserves to know what is happening to his friend."

"How do you know, they don't know about this already?"

"Educated Guess!", Ichigo scoffed.

Jushiro didn't know, how much longer could he delay it but he could also not refuse Ichigo's last request. So he granted it. Ichibe took Ichigo down to seireitei and he sent a summons for his old friend shunsui so even they could catch up and say their good byes while Ichigo said his.

After a tough couple of hours in which both Ichigo and Jushiro had to explain to their friends that the world was ending and what they had to do to save it, they said their good byes. Ichigo made love to Orihime one last time before they said their goodbyes. They both knew what had to be done and they had no regrets. They both had full lives with each other and they were grateful for that. There was nothing they could ask for more.

Shunsui had left before Ichigo could come back to the Royal realms. He wanted to be with his troops when the end came. Kind-of-like captain wanting to go down with his ship and crew.

When Ichigo and ichibe returned to the Royal Realm, there wasn't much time left. So jushiro just started explaining.

He held up a medallion with the emblem of crown on it with a dragon surrounding it.

"Ichigo-san, there isn't much time left. This is the medallion which will help you travel in time. But I am sorry to say you will no longer have your present body. You will probably have a body of one of your ancestors. I think!", Jushiro felt small under the angry gaze of Ichigo.

"You could have told me that before. And what do mean 'I THINK'". Ichigo practically growled at the soul king.

"Well it means that I will be transferring your consciousness back in time. It will replace the consciousness of your closest relative when you land back in time. I think.

I know. I know. I should know Ichigo-san. But I haven't done this before. Nobody has. And the instruction manual isn't quite clear what will happen. All I can say for sure is you will no longer have your current body in the past." Jushiro tried and failed to make a convincing explanation to Ichigo.

"Great. Fucking Great.

Wait.

If I won't have my body - What about my zanpakto spirits?

Please tell me at least I will have them." Ichigo practically begged in his inquiry.

Jushiro gave the same I-Don't-Know- face. At this point, Ichigo had half a mind to stab Jushiro in the face with zangetsu and dam the consequences. But his analytical mind won over his instinctual.

Then Ichigo saw jushiro fix the medallion in the hilt of his sword.

"Let me guess. You are going to have to stab me or kill me to send me back?", Ichigo said holding the binge of his nose in exasperation, hoping for a negative answer. This kind of thing happened way too often with him. And he didn't like it.

Jushiro just gave a sheepish smile that said it all. This time Ichigo did punch the Soul King in the face breaking his nose.

"I guess I deserved it." Jushiro said, fixing his dislocated broken nose into place the best he could. All the while non-verbally indicating to ichibe to stay out of it, when it looked like he would interfere.

Jushiro stated coughing blood and the world around them started shaking. It was time.

"Ready", jushiro asked ready to do the deed and sacrifice last remnants of his power and life to send Ichigo on his way.

"Ready.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

Please tell me I am not going to be stuck in a woman's body." Ichigo pleaded.

Jushiro thought about it for a second and then gave the same I-Don't-Know- smile. And then before Ichigo could retort stabbed Ichigo with the now glowing sword.

"Aww…. Fuck you…. If I wake up in a woman's body then I am going to hunt you down and cut off your dick with your own zanpakto. Consequences be dammed."

Soul King shuddered at the imagery of it, as his free hand unconsciously going to cover his crotch. He saw the fleeting smirk on Ichigo's face as the light enveloped him.

And then Ichigo was gone. As if hadn't ever been there in the first place.

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(Want More? Keep Going!)

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* * *

When Ichigo eyes opened. It was nothingness. He couldn't feel anything. He couldn't feel his own body.

For months he just slept. When awake having very very limited movement of his limbs. He felt like he was underwater but still be able to breathe very easily. He still couldn't open his eyes though. And he felt tired all the time. So he just slept most of the time.

One day he woke up to walls closing in. He could no longer fit. So he tried to break out with all the energy he had.

Then he felt something trying to push him out of the darkness that was his home for what felt like years.

For the first time, in he didn't know how long, he could see the light.

He tried to move towards it. He tried to move towards the escape. But something else was pushing him out as well. He was glad.

Then after 9 hours of struggling to get out. He felt the breeze at the top of his head. The rest of him still trapped in the darkness.

Then he felt something grip his forehead, then his neck, pulling him, pulling him out.

Something yanked him out of the world of darkness and threw in a world of light. The light was so bright that he couldn't see anything.

Then he felt something. Something that he thought was the worst thing he had experienced in his over 100 years of life. He had been thought countless battles and had been cut, stabbed, slashed multiple times. But this….This was the worst thing he had experienced his in life.

(SMACK)

He felt a throbbing pain in his buttocks. And then he did the most embracing thing that he hadn't done in decades.

HE CRIED.

'You mother fucking piece of shit. I will kill. You hear me I will kill you.', Ichigo screamed in his mind not able to use his vocal cords for some reason, as he was being dangled by his legs upside down by the seemingly giant people.

'Wait….giant people? Aww….. for the love of god…. Please don't tell me I am a…..'

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"Congratulations Kiaen-sama, Miyako-sama; it's a baby boy!"

* * *

 **A/N: Hahaha. I got the idea for this story after reading "One Fell Swoop" by cywscoss. It's a good story and I found the concept really tell me if you like it or is my effort in vain.  
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 **Please review if you like the story, it will give me encouragement to get the next chapter out sooner. The more the reviews the faster the next chapter will come.**

 **Till The Next Time!**


	2. Chapter 2: My Name Is Strawberry!

_I do Not own Bleach.  
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 _ **Chapter 2: My Name Is Strawberry**_

"Will (Kick)

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You (Kick)

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Stop (Kick)

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LAUGHING (Kick)", an infant ichigo wearing nothing but a diaper and holding his two obscenely large swords in his hands said while repeatedly kicking his zanpakto/hollow spirit in the gut, who was rolling on the floor Laughing like a mad-man on his wielder.

To say, Ichigo was having a bad day would be an understatement. To say, Ichigo was having a bad week would be understatement of the century.

First ichigo had to wake up in the past in the most disgusting way possible. He had to be reborn. Literally.

When he realized that all the past months he was actually sleeping and moving in his mother womb…. And the way he had to get out….

Ichigo shuddered, puked and actually cried at the trauma.

'Fuck you Soul King!

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Fuck You Soul King

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Fuck You Soul King',

Was all he kept thinking when he tried and failed to use the most basic of the faculties that human beings possess. Be it talking, walking, or using a sword to impale the bastard that had slapped him on the ass earlier that day.

And then, Ichigo shuddered and his eyes went as big at tennis balls, as he was currently seeing the catastrophe of a character that he was going to have to call (Ichigo gulped) –

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HIS FATHER from now on, playing idiots version of pika-bu with him.

"Awww….. That sooooooooooo cute. Look at the expression on my baby boy. He looks soooooooooooooo surprised.

You there come see.. you too come see… you come as well…. (he started gathering as many people he could find in the 4th division barracks halls)

Awww my baby boy is so handsome. He is going to be a Heart Breaker…

I am going to have to Lock You Up, Don't I, Don't I. (in a fake baby voice)

Or all the Mean Little Girls will Come and Steal My Baby Boy Away from Me… Won't They… Won't They… (in a fake baby voice)

Pika bu…. Daddy is here (removing hands from his face),

Dady is gone (putting hands on his face)….

Awww….. (A lot of Anime Tears, A LOT), My Baby boy, My Pride and Joy.

Daddy is gonna love you soooo sooooo sooooooo much (flinging around his arms like a mad-man + fake baby voice)

And if you don't like girls and you like guys, you can always come and tell daddy….

Daddy will Hook You Up…. Yes He Will… Yes He Will…. (fake baby voice)"

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"Uuuwwaaaaaayyy Uuuwwaaaayyy", Ichigo having to picture life with this crazy shiba for the next couple of century, started crying, Very Very Very Loudly.

This only made his idiot of a father panic more. And in panic he thought,

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Crying Along With His Infant Might Quiet the Infant Down.

So,

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he started crying just as loudly as his infant, matching him tone for tone.

This only made Ichigo cry more loudly, inwardly repeating 'Fuck My Life….Fuck My Life…. Fuck You Soul King!'

The two crying sounds made half the division panic and lead to Unohana Retsu and his mother coming into the room to find two people crying.

One an Infant and Other an Idiot.

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* * *

He didn't thought it was possible but the second day turned out to me more worst than the first.

Yesterday when Unohana came in with his new mother and found him and his father crying, she made two diagnosis.

One his father was an Idiot, which he whole heartedly agreed with and second Ichigo Was Hungry.

When Retsu unohana said those words, the implication dawned on him. He was an infant. Infants don't eat ramen or shushi like normal people. They drink milk. Milk that comes from (ichigo gulped) A MOTHERS BREAST.

'No No No… I ain't doing this. Shiro…. Ossan…. Help me out.'

No reply came. But Ichigo could have sworn that he heard faint laughter in his mindscape.

It was still difficult for him to re-establish connection with his zanpakto spirits. Just making a cursory check yesterday that praying that they had come back with him. He was very relieved to know they had. They were just out of reach for some time.

The reason being Ichigo had very low reiatsu currently and reiatsu is what is needed to enter jizen.

However Ichigo's reiatsu was rapidly building up inside of him and it would only be a couple of days more or 4 at max before he could enter his inner world and talk to his zanpakto spirits.

Ichigo's chain of thought was broken by something soft touching his face and lips. Ichigo was horrified to note that it was none other than his mother's dreaded breast.

'No…. No…. No…. I ain't sign up for this.'

He closed his lips shut and turned away his head. And did the first thing that came to his mind.

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PLAY DEAD.

After trying for 10 minutes to get Ichigo to drink the milk they gave up. Ichigo didn't budge from his sleeping act. Finally unohana-san said that my new mother could try some time later.

'You can try as many times as you want. Shitting myself literally was bad enough. I am not drinking milk like that.' Ichigo thought to himself in sheer determination.

However next day that determination melted away like an ice cube in sahara desert.

After trying a couple more times to feed Ichigo her milk and Ichigo refusing, Miyako broke down.

"I am sorry if I am bad mother my sweet boy." She said cradling infant ichigo in her arms.

"I know I am a very bad mother.

You know Moon-Pie, me and your father were so happy when we found out we were pregnant with you. It was the happiest day of our lives. Your father was 100 times worse than he was yesterday when he was talking to you.

We were so happy.

But th-then…..

Two months into the pregnancy, I had an accident while at work. I fell and the trauma was directly upon my womb.

We rushed to unohana-san when I started bleeding.

When Unohana-san told us that you were bleeding internally due to trauma and we would lose the child….you…. by morning…"

Tears were flowing uncontroablly from Miyako's eyes as she gathered the courage to continue to her infant son. Who by the looks of it was listening very intently as if understanding it. Which Miyako found very surprising, but none the less she decided to continue.

"That was the worst day of my life… It was the worst day of your father's life as well but he didn't let it show. He had to be the Strong One, but I knew he was hurting just as badly if not more.

The whole night I kept crying. I was ashamed. Guilty!

What kind of Mother Kills Her Own Son. HER OWN SON…..

I am so so sorry my moon-pie.

I am sorry that I hurt you.

But you know that night a miracle happened.

While your father was out to get me some food and I was crying in the hospital bed,

A bright light exploded in the whole room.

I felt different. I felt fine. When I looked, the bleeding stopped as well.

When unohana-san saw the light and came in. She was surprised to see the bleeding stop as well.

She immediately did a medical check-up and was surprised that you were completely healthy. She said it was like there was no trauma was there to begin with. Either something healed you or you healed yourself.

Whatever it was, I was just grateful that day and will be all my life and I accepted my Chīsana kiseki (Little Miracle).

But I can understand why you don't like me. I hurt you after all.

Please forgive me Moon-pie.

Please…." She said wiping her uncontrollable tears away and kissing little ichigo on the forehead.

"I promise, I won't let anything hurt you…..ever" Sheer determination showed in her eyes.

"Please… moon-pie, forgive me…. Please …" She pleaded to her intently listening child, when she tried to feed him once again.

.

.

Ichigo felt really guilty listening to her new mother ask for his forgiveness. It wasn't her fault that her infant had memories of 112 years of his past life and considered himself an adult. I wasn't her fault, that he was feeling….. really really grossed out doing the normal things infants do without a thought, like, breast feeding.

Ichigo was also surprised to learn about the accident. That was probably the moment he arrived in the past and his regeneration abilities healed him.

But his attention was again grasped by her mother calling him moon-pie. He inwardly and outwardly scowled. It was just another thing he was going to have to deal with.

But then he saw his mother crying even more and his resolve melted.

'It isn't her fault….. It isn't her fault….. It isn't her fault….

I am an Infant…. It's not weird…. It's not gross….

I am an Infant…. It's not weird…. It's not gross….

I am an Infant…. It's not weird…. It's not gross….', he kept telling himself when he finally gave in let himself be fed.

.

.

.

.

* * *

On the third day, Miyako and Kiaen took their new born son to his new house in Seireitei. The Shiba manor.

When Ichigo entered into the house being cradled by his new mother he inwardly groaned.

Groaned because he was about to meet the rest of his crazy family.

And the groan was none too soon.

As soon as the 3 entered the house, his new father was fly-kicked in the face by his old father as a very familiar – Welcome Home greeting.

He could hear the words –"Too Slow" & "You have a Lot To Learn" being said by his old father and new grand uncle to his new father and old cousin.

This was giving the infant a head-ache. And it showed on his face by the scowl plastered on it.

I think his new aunt and old cousin saw this and immediately went to smack his new father and old father on the head.

(SMACK)

(SMACK)

"Stop it ya morons, yar upsitin the baby."

Both clutching their head came to see the baby's face to see what she was talking about.

"My dear nephew…. Tell me, don't babies actually cry when they are upset?", Isshin Shiba asked his father Kiaen.

He got an affirmative nod in return.

"Then Why Is This One Scowling?", Isshin asked both the new parents pointing at the infant.

"Don't ask me. All he does is scowl. He hasn't cried after the first day. He hasn't laughed or smiled once. At least not to me. He gave a small smile to his mother yesterday, but that's about it. And yesterday, I swear…

I swear, I could hear him GROWLING at me, when I was changing his diapers and making baby noises to lift his mood.", Kiaen deadpanned.

The whole family except the mother dead-panned with kiaen.

"Oooo….. Who is angry baby…. You are… Yes you are… yes you are", Isshin said in a very baby like tone to ichigo while touching the infants nose.

.

.

.

.

"Grrr…."

This time the whole family heard it. And after coming out of the shock that lasted a couple of seconds, they were rolling on the floor laughing.

Isshin, Kiaen, Kukaku & Ganju were all laughing like there was no tomorrow.

Even though the infant growled, it came out "SO CUTE!" as exclaimed by his crazy father and affirmed by the rest of the family.

Even his mother was smiling.

Ichigo decided he had enough of this and decided to play dead.

"I think Moon-pie is tiered, I am going to let him sleep for now. Kukaku, you want to lay your nephew down for his nap?", Miyako offered the child's aunt.

Kukaku jumped at the opportunity and took Ichigo with both (yes she has both hands) her arms very carefully as if he was the most fragile thing in the world.

Then something just struck Kukaku…

"Hey Miyako-san, you called him moon-pie right? Have you decided on name? Is it moon-pie?

Aww its soo cute!

Ello moon-pie…. Ello… ello….", Kukaku started addressing Ichigo in a baby voice.

.

.

.

'Moon-what-now….

No No No No No… its one thing for my mother to call me that in private.

BUT I AM **NOT,** GOING TO BE KNOWN AS A SWEET.', ichigo said to himself.

 **Like being known as a fruit is such an achievement?**

He could hear the hollows voice and the laughing that followed.

'Wait what… You back you bastard…. Help me out here…'

No reply came from the hollow… Which made ichigo even more angry.

'Ooo…. I will get you for this….'

 **You better get them first before they tattoo 'MOON-PIE' on your forehead.**

Ichigo could again hear Hollows crackling laughter in his mindscape.

"Who is d bst Moon-Pie in the wrld? Ys ya r… Ys y r…..!", Kukaku drew ichigo's attention again.

'That's it…. I have had enough….' And Ichigo used the only weapon he had in his arsenal.

HE

CRIED

VERY VERY VERY

LOUDLY…

Ichigo made it a point to cry anytime someone else than his mother said the name moon-pie.

After a couple of hours, his family got the hint that he wasn't particularly fond of that name when it came from someone else.

They decided they still had to find a name for Ichigo & they decided to do it in the most shiba like fashion ever. By throwing a huge party.

They decided to do ichigo's official naming ceremony two days later in the party.

* * *

The party was a blast. Everything was kid themed. All the guests had to wear a party hat. Ichigo really got a kick out of Kukaku forcing all the captains to wear kids party hat. Except Yamamoto. Even Kukaku was afraid of Yamamoto.

He was really happy seeing a lot of familiar faces like kisuke, yuroichi, shinji, kensei, tessai, hachi & hiyori. But he scowled every time they called him cute. He had spent most of his life creating an intimidating personality. In a second the Soul King zapped it away.

'Speaking of the bastard', Ichigo thought when he saw ukitake.

When Kaien saw Ukitake, he immediately took his new baby boy to introduce him to his beloved mentor.

Ichigo was just itching for the same opportunity.

* * *

(Ichigo POV)

"Ukitake-san, meet the pride and joy of the Shiba's. My baby boy.", Kaien introduced me to Ukitake-san.

I just needed to get into his arms somehow. So I made the gesture of grasping towards him. A universal sign infants use to want to be handed over.

"Aa… See Taichou…. He likes you too… He wants to come to you…. He hasn't done that purposely for anybody… Not even me…

Must be your awesome personality… Would you like? Should I?", Kaien half asked wanting to make sure his precious taichou was comfortable handling his boy.

"Of course kaien…. What a sweet cute child you have… It will be a pleasure…", Ukitake said holding his hands out to receive the child.

I wanted to scowl…. Loudly… but I didn't want to risk kaien not handing me over to Ukitake…

So I controlled my emotions and gave a fake laugh.

Kaien happily handed me over to Ukitake.

Now it was just a matter of waiting for the right moment and right opening…

'This is going to be FUN', Ichigo thought with a sadistic smile that mirrored his hollow but because he was an infant,

even that came out cute.

Seeing his cute smile, Ukitake raised him just above his eye level to start saying 'How cute' in baby voice like everybody seemed to be doing around him. Which just pissed Ichigo off even more than he already was at Ukitake.

He waited…

.

.

.

He took aim…

.

.

.

As soon as Ukitake opened his mouth to say cute….

.

.

.

.

Ichigo Barfed….

.

.

.

Like A LOT…..

.

.

.

.

Directly into UKITAKE'S MOUTH.

Kaien squeaked as ukitake began coughing ichigo's puke. And quickly took Ichigo & started profusely apologizing to his taichou.

"I am so sorry Tai-chou…. My son… He did it by-mistake… Please forgive him", kaien bowed while holding Ichigo uphigh above his head as an offering, in front of ukitake.

Ichigo stated Pointing & Laughing. Very loudly. At Ukitake.

Kaien started sweating bullets.

Shunsui who was standing next to ukitake when this happened was not on the floor laughing his ass off, at the condition of his friend.

Kaien again profusely apologized, despite ukitake telling him it was no problem.

Kaien quickly excused himself to get more towels for ukitake while handing Ichigo over to Miyako.

"That…

was the best thing ever….

I really wish I had something that I could use to store this moment and watch it over and over again." Shunsui said while getting up from the floor still laughing at the plight of his friend.

Jushiro just rolled his eyes at his friend.

"You know. If I didn't know better, I would have thought he did it on purpose.", Jushiro said thinking about Kiaen's son.

"Your just getting paranoid in your old age.", Shunsui said ridiculing his friend.

"You're a decade older than me shunsui.", Jushiro rolled his eyes at his old friend.

"Keep dreaming", Shunsui said. But as he said that, he caught sight of kiaen explaining the 'incident' to Miyako. Well his back to be precise, while Ichigo was slung over his shoulder facing them.

For a second shunsui thought even he was going paranoid as he saw Kaien's infant – (He couldn't believe himself) – Grin looking at ukitake from a distance who was still wiping off the barf.

.

.

.

* * *

"How about 'sukurora'?",Kaien suggested.

"Kaien for the last time I am not going to name my child a 'Scowler'."

Kaien whimpered under his wife's menacing tone. But he was having just too much fun to stop. The reactions he got were priceless. Especially the reactions from his wife and very very surprisingly, his son.

It would be an understatement to say his son was weird. Whenever he suggested a name his infant son didn't like there was a simultaneous growl from mother and child.

"How about 'BENPI SHIBA'?", Isshin joined in the fun his nephew was having.

A simultaneous growl could be heard from mother and child which lead to all the guests in the party to break out into simultaneous laughter.

"Isshin Ji-san, I have a lot of respect for you. BUT IF YOU TRY TO NAME MY SON 'CONSTIPATED' AGAIN, LETS JUST SAY DOING YOUR MORNING DUTIES WILL BE VERY VERY PAINFUL AFTER WHAT I WILL DO TO YOU", Miyako said in a very sweet-psychotic tone like unohana.

The whole party went silent because nobody had expected such an open threat coming from the kind hearted and gentle Miyako Shiba.

Kukaku was the first to break out into laughter followed by everyone in the party.

However what was most amusing was that, the infant ichigo was pointing at Isshin Shiba and laughing.

By his actions most of the people at the party thought that the infant understood the joke. But that was impossible right? So they just laughed it off as a coincidence but were surprised none the less.

"How about 'Bono-chan'?", Ganju put his 2 cents in.

This time Kukaku was the one to hit him over the head.

"We are not naming my nephew after your stupid pig."

Ganju tried to defend his Bonnie-Chan but to no avail. Kukaku just kept hitting him until he accepted that it was a stupid name.

The party guests just laughed at the well-known Shiba antics.

"How about 'Ichigo'?", Isshin again chimed in.

"Ji-san, will you stop suggesting stupid names. I am not going to call my nephew strawberry."Kukaku said in exasperation holding the binge of her nose.

"No I think, I like it.", Miyako said surprisingly loving the name. She also saw that Ichigo loved the name when a smile propped up on his cute face replacing the ever present scowl.

"You can't be serious Miyako! If you want to name our son strawberry then what was wrong with 'Sukurora'. At least it was intimidating.", Kaien questioned his wife confused.

"It's not the only meaning my Idiot Husband. Think it though!", Miyako waited for him and the rest of the people to get what meaning Isshin-ji San proposed name held.

Than as if simultaneously, it clicked to everyone.

"No. 1 Protector".

"Wow that is brilliant Isshin-ji San.", Kukaku said instantly falling in love with the name.

The feeling was mirrored by rest of the members of the family as well as all the party guests.

"Yeah… I always wanted to name my son that…. If I were lucky enough to have one… If you want to use the name you have my permission and blessing. I think it suits him." Isshin said a little embarrassed while ruffling the hair on the back of his head.

"What do you think my Moon-Pie? Do you like Ichigo? Say I Chi Go!

Say Ic Hi Go!", Miyako tried to get her infant son to repeat.

* * *

Ichigo scrowed at the Moon-Pie comment, but he was very surprised at his old dad's suggestion. I guess it was him that named him in his old timeline.

 **Hey kingly, you better say somethi'n or they 'ill name you scowler, constipated or after a pig.**

'How… If you haven't noticed jackass, I am an INFANT. Infants can't speak. Even if I wanted to.'

 _Well Ichigo you better do something or make some sound to agree with the name or they will name you something that might not agree with you…_

Nice to know you are there too Zangetsu… I was worried I hadn't heard from you yet.

 **Hey kingly, just sa u kno, I noticed. So did he. He hasn't stopped laughing since. He just didn't contact you bcause if ya caught him laufin, it wud spoil his image or somtin.**

O Come on… Not you too Ossan. I expected better.

What no reply.

 **Sorry king he ain't gonna talk. He is still laughing.**

Alright that's it. Tonight after they put me to bed I am coming in to kick both your asses.

 **Ha.. Like to see ya try… Now go get yerself named STRAWBERRY.**

* * *

"Say Ic Hi Go!", Miyako tried to get her infant son to repeat.

"Bi Bi Bo!", Ichigo tried and failed to not blush as red as a tomato while butchering his own name.

"Look Look Look, he likes it… Miyako make him do that again.", Kaien said jumping around in the room like he had won a billion dollar lottery.

"Say Ic Hi Go!", Miyako tried to get her infant son to repeat again.

"Di Di Do!", as Ichigo said that he wanted the ground to split so that he could disappear inside it.

.

.

.

"AWW….. SOOOOOO CUTE", was the simultaneous response from all the women at the party.

And Just Like That

ICHIGO SHIBA was named!

 **A/N - Loving the response. Loving the reviews. It motivated me to finish the chapter today itself.**

 **Want another chapter quicker. Please keep reviewing. It will motivate me to get it done even faster.**

 **Also let me know, whether you liked the explanation I gave of why Kaien and Miyako didn't have children in anime.**

 **And if you guys have apatite for slightly darker stories and love time travel. Please do check out my other story, Bleach: ReLive The Past.**

 **Till The Next Time!**


	3. Chapter 3: Memories of Nobody!

_I do not own bleach._

 _ **Chapter 3 – Memories Of Nobody**_

"Good Night Ichigo. Have sweet dreams.", Miyako said to her baby boy laying him down for the night in his crib.

"You are strong. You are Loved. You are safe. Sleep tight my boy. Daddy is always going to be there for you.", Kaien said standing beside Miyako looking at their son.

"We Love You Ichigo.", Both parents said together to their infant son. The both laid a kiss on his forehead which made him blush redder than his name sake.

As they were leaving the room, both parents thought they were going nuts because they were sure they head a murmur from their infant son resembling "I Love You Too."

But they immediately rubbed it off as them hearing things.

* * *

As soon as they left, Ichigo closed his eyes and attempted Jizen to enter his inner world. He had two zanpakto spirits to beat up.

After trying for 5 minutes he opened his eyes in a sideways skyscraper world.

He found both his zanpakto spirits staring at him in shock for a good 30 seconds before both of them started laughing.

Ichigo didn't know why they were laughing.

Then he looked down at himself.

He was about half a meter tall; almost naked; wearing nothing but a diaper.

Ichigo went redder than a tomato. It didn't help his bruised/shredded ego that both HIS zanpakto spirits were laughing at him openly.

At that moment, Ichigo had the innate desire to shred them both to pieces with their own respective zanpaktos.

As if his will obeyed his command and without even wanting it consciously both his zanpaktos appeared in his hands.

Only one problem. Both his zanpaktos were original height. His large Khyber knife almost 5 feet tall nearly matching his previous height of 6 feet and his small trench knife of 1 feet; which was again twice as tall in height than him.

What surprised ichigo was that he had no problems waving both the swords even at their current height. They still felt as light as feathers to him.

His thoughts were soon interrupted by his hollows crackling laughter.

Ichigo felt as red as a tomato embarrassed by looking at himself form the hollows perspective –

An infant, in diaper & holding two OBSCENELY LARGE SWORDS.

But hollows and even ossan's continued laughter didn't help quell Ichigo's temper, rather seriously aggravating it.

Then Ichigo had had enough of his stupid spirits.

" _This is fucking EMBARRASSING!_

 _No No Na Na Na….. I ain't doing this!_

 _And YOU….. YOU Pale Ass Fuck….. Stop Laughing or I am going to CUT OFF YOUR BALLS AND SHOVE THEM DOWN YOUR THROAT!"_

 _However this didn't deter the albino hollow/zanpakto spirit one bit. Instead those words made the hollow roll on the floor- and-twist-and-turn laughing as if his life depended on it._

 _It didn't help Ichigo's temper that the Older Zanpakto had lost all his iconic stoic appearance and was also laughing openly at its wielder. Containing himself barley, from falling and the floor and roll around laughing like the other spirit that resided in his wielders soul._

" _FUCKING DICKS! The Both Of You!", Ichigo growled aloud._

" _ **Such Language doesn't suit someone of Ya Stature, My Liege!",**_ _the hollow barely contained himself to say those two lines. But as soon as he said them and he started rolling around convulsing in laughter at his own joke as if he was about to explode._

" _You Think This Is Funny…?! YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?!", Ichigo said in a Pissed off tone, just about to gut the hollow and the old man simultaneously._

" _Well…..",Older Zanpakto spirit was about to put his two cents in but was interrupted by its wielder._

" _Don't Say It Old Man. Or I Will Take those glasses and SHOVE THEM SO FAR UP YOUR ASS THAT THEY WILL HAVE TO PERFROM AN OPEN HEART SURGERY TO REMOVE IT!"_

 _At this the old man did collapse in Laughter and started rolling around on the ground like his hollow counterpart, all previous dignity lost._

" _THAT'S IT! YOUR FUCKING DEAD! AND AFTER I HAVE KILLED YOU, I WILL HUNT DOWN JUSHIRO AND I WILL SKEWER HIM SO MANY TIMES THAT HE LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING GARDEN SPRINKLER!", Ichigo said as he lunged towards his zanpakto spirits to make good on his threat with both swords in his hand._

 _However the Zanpakto spirits didn't move. Didn't try to dodge the attack. Didn't even take out their swords to parry the attack. Because they simply couldn't. They still too busy laughing. And the laughter still had control of their limbs and body._

 _How could it not._

 _Once upon a time, the most feared shinigami. The most powerful shinagimi in all 4 realms, stood in front of them_

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _Wielding two swords, A large Khyber knife and a smaller Trench knife,_

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _At the physical age of an infant,_

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _In a diaper,_

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _Spewing curses at them in a baby voice. A BABY VOICE!_

 _The scene was just so absurdly hilarious that the zanpakto's just couldn't control themselves._

" _Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!", Ichigo tried to roar while kicking the laughing hollow, but it just fucking came out even cuter. This of Couse in no way helped in abstaining the laughter, only aggravating it._

" _Juuusssssshhhhhhhhhhhhiiiirrrrrroooooooooooooo!", the infant Ichigo screamed in anger at the sky, promising cold retribution to the holder of the called out name._

 _Somewhere on division13 grounds, Jushrio sneezed and felt a hiver pass down his spine._

" _Will (Kick)_

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _You (Kick)_

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _Stop (Kick)_

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _LAUGHING (Kick)", an infant ichigo wearing nothing but a diaper and holding his two obscenely large swords in his hands said while repeatedly kicking his zanpakto/hollow spirit in the gut, who was rolling on the floor Laughing like a mad-man on his wielder._

" **Ha… Hahaaha.. Ya- ya… sound like a…. hahaha…. Like a… fuc-…fucking Chipmunk…",** The hollow continued rolling on the floor laughing not caring if he was being repeatedly kicked in the gut by his wielder.

By this time, the quincy half of his spirit had gained some composure and tried to stop his infant wielder from kicking the other spirit by putting a hand on his shoulder.

It didn't help his composure that Ichigo turned his head around, still kicking the hollow spirit and holding two obscenely large swords in the air, & gave him a fierce infant baby scowl.

Which in his wielders current predicament just came out extremely excruciatingly cute.

So he laughed very openly – all regained composure evaporated.

Ichigo had had enough and was going red with anger at the openly laughing Quincy spirit.

He lunged, swinging his swords wildly at the quincy spirit aiming to chop off his head.

At first, quincy just laughed it off simply dodging the strikes, thinking that his wielder couldn't be as strong as he was in his previous life. At least not yet.

He was wrong.

After the first getsuga tenshou almost took his arm off. The laugh was gone and he started fighting seriously.

Hollow was shocked to see this but a maniacal grin appeared on his face and he jumped in, wanting to test his wielders current strength.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"Say it….",

"Say what?", hollow asked pinned under multiple layers of bakudo 99 kin & bakin, only his head free to move facing the ground.

"Who's your king?", Ichigo said a wide smirk on his face.

"I already burned off one of you eyebrows with sokatsui. Do you want me to take away another as well?", Ichigo questioned when no reply but a grumble came from the hollow.

 **"You are."** , the hollow begrudgingly accepted.

"Who's your daddy?", Ichigo continued his victory dance.

 **"You are."** Hollow growled out seemingly very painfully.

"Now who's going to be a good little horse?", Ichigo continued.

 **"You are.."** , hollow snickered.

"Hado no.3-", Ichigo stated making good on his threat.

 **"Alright alright… Don't get your diapers in a wad…**

 **I AM going to be a good little horse. There! Happy?"** Hollow grumbled outwardly, but inwardly he was very happy he wasn't going to be serving a weak king.

Ichigo thinking, it was the best he was going to get from him; outwardly sighed and released the hollows bindings.

He already gotten a quick sorry from ossan when he had subdued him and released him immediately.

" **How da hell did ya do that. You're an infant…. Literally….**

 **How da fuck did ya defeat the both of us.",** hollow asked with begrudging respect towards his wielder.

"Even I didn't think I could. But apparently even though my reach is limited due to my size, it hasn't affect my strength or speed. Not to mention my kido, hollow and quincy powers are just the same as they were on the day I died.", ichigo gave out a well thought out answer.

"Ossan tell me,

How come I can do all of this in my inner world but not outside?", Ichigo asked the critical thinker part of his spirit.

" _Well Ichigo, when we came back in time, the body your consciousness was transferred in was an empty shell dying. To save ourselves we had to use instant regeneration. When we did that you were still more or less a fetus._

 _That gave us a chance to do some modifications._

 _That gave us a chance to build you and your abilities from scratch._

 _We knew that, since we both made it with you, you will sooner or later manifest both hollow and quincy powers._

 _And if those powers came out in the wrong way, at the wrong time, we would be perceived as an abomination and killed instantly._

 _So we did what we had to._

 _We made your shinigami powers extremely strong. So strong that even when you will use your hollow & quincy abilities it will give off the distinct signature of shinigami powers. _

_However if you consciously will it, your hollow and quincy powers will show openly. With their own distinct signatures._

 _But for now we have sealed them away. Except for use in your inner world._

 _Also even before your born, we made 8 seals in the shape of phases of the moon engraved them on your back. So that, as you grow up and with your age as your power will start flowing, there will be dams already in place to control it._

 _They will be invisible to the naked eye of everyone else, until you consciously decide to show it._

 _We also made a few changes in your physiology and brain biology but that is nothing to worry about right now.", the quincy replied._

" That still doesn't answer my question. Why do I look like a fucking infant in here. In my old timeline, I always used to look like a 19 year old in my soul reaper form. Even when I was 112.

And why do you mean my changes to my physiology and brain biology", infant ichigo asked in an annoyed tone.

" **Bcause that's how ya looked in yar soul reaper spirit form outside your inner world. And until ya get out of yar dipers and become a soul reaper ya 'ill look and wear exactly what ya r looking like and wearing in da outside world.**

 **N show sam gratitude ya scowling-diaper wearing-chipmunk bastard.**

 **Yar idiot father was supposed to hav a girl not a boy. We shuffled a couple of chromosomes ta make sure ya hav a dick. So stop being one ta us.",** the hollow growled out at his wielder, annoyed at being blamed for his misfortune.

"Oo…. Then sorry and thank you for helping me out.", Ichigo said shocked and sheepishly apologizing.

" _You're welcome Ichigo._ "

" **Ya yar emo enough as a guy. Can't imagine what a nightmare ya would hav been as a chick.",** hollow said genuinely shuddering at the thought of ichigo having to go through PMS and them having to put up with his mood swings.

Ichigo had to pipe down the urge to give his hollow a veggie at that comment. Since he had just apologized and doing that would be counterproductive. But he was still considering it.

"Okay, so any idea how far back are we? I think I remember Rukia from our timeline telling me that Kaien died along with his wife in a hollow attack two decades before I was born.

Seeing as I saw yuroichi and kisuke it means we have at least arrived before the hollowfication of the visored.", Ichigo theorized.

" _Ichigo we have arrived 35 years before the hollowfication incident. I have an internal clock so as to speak.",_ Quincy spirit replied to his wielder.

"How?", Ichigo asked surprised at the internal clock thing.

" _Because I am still somewhat connected to yhwach and I can tell how many years are left before he awakens."_ Quincy spirit replied grimly.

"Oo… Okay… But that's good right. We still have 35 years. I can grow into my adult body, get full power and kill aizen before anybody is hollowfied. Then we can concentrate on other upcoming threats.", Ichigo said enthusiastically.

The quincy spirit looked grimly at his wielder. He was the one who was going to have to break the bad news to his wielder.

" _Ichigo…. It's not going to happen…. Think… Where are you now…? What are you now…?_

 _You are no longer a human, Ichigo. You are a spirit. A spirit born in soul society. Do you remember how old Rukia was when she met you the first & how old she looked….."_

"She said she was older than 150 but she looked like she would pass as yuzu and karin's age. She looked like she was…. 11-12 years old.", Ichigo said as the horrifying realization dawned on him. It dawned on him that he would be lucky if he would look as old as rukia was in two centuries.

Quincy nodded grimly.

" _Yes Ichigo. The aging rules in after life are very different. The stronger and more reiatsu you have the slower you age - physically._ "

Ichigo's knees gave out and he fell on his ass in shock.

"What are we going to do?", he asked himself and his zanpakto spirits.

" _Ichigo let me ask you a question…._

 _What do you think of your new family? Your new parents?",_ Quincy asked already having a plan in mind but wanting to get some confessions out of his wielder first.

Ichigo feeling a little embarrassed but replied anyway.

"Kaien is an idiot. But he is a good father. I think a lot better than Isshin was.

Mom….. Is nice….", Ichigo feeling redder than a tomato.

" _I am happy to know that Ichigo. I just wanted you to know it as well._

 _Now tell me, Ichigo you know that it will take you at least a decade to even start toddler-hood, right? Do you think you will be able to carry on being a baby till then. Feeling trapped in your own body till then. Not being able to talk like a normal person till then?"_ quincy spirit asked forcing his wielder into deep contemplation.

After a couple of minutes of soul searching, Ichigo answered. "I don't know zangetsu. It's only been a week and I was about ready to murder somebody. Even though I am child out there, I am an Adult in here." Ichigo said pointing at his head.

"I could have done this for a couple of years… but decade…. I am not sure I have the will power. Even if I somehow manage to do it…. I will be upset… Most of the time… And Kaien & mom… I mean Miyako deserve….. they deserve a happy child….or a child at the least…

I am not sure I can give them either….

But since you are asking me this… I am going to assume that you have a solution in mind.", ichigo replied honestly to his zanpakto spirit.

" _Yes, I do…. Actually We do…",_ Quincy spirit said pointing at the hollow spirit.

"Okay let's hear it." , ichigo commanded.

.

.

.

" **We wipe ya memories of ya past life and we give ya growth-spurt a kick start",** hollow replied.

" _Temporarily of course. And wipe is a strong word. We will actually lock away your memories for a couple of decades so that you could have a relatively normal childhood."_ Quincy interjected before his wielder could protest at the hollow.

" _Look ichigo, you know as well as I do, your new parents are in no danger right now. Even though you being born may affect the timeline, it won't affect it drastically at least not until after the visored are hollowified._

 _And yes, we need to let the hollowfication happen. It made the visored a force to recon with. And we will need strong captain level players for the challenges that are yet to come._

 _Once the hollowfication happens we will unlock your memories._

 _Till then you will be basically be a normal child with a clean slate._

 _We will have to lock you out of your inner-world till then too. We don't want to draw too much attention to you. And a child that can visit his inner-world and talk to his zanpakto spirits will definitely draw unwanted attention._

 _Right now Aizen is devising a plan to get rid of the visored and kisuke, we will let him concentrate on them._

 _Ichigo you will have a chance to have a childhood you never had in your last life. Take it._

 _And we will always be watching. We have the power to instantly unlock your memories or take over your body and your powers to deal with any threat that emerges. After a decade we will also be able to manifest ourselves as will in your outer world to help you out when needed._

 _We know we are asking you to put a whole lot of faith in us, but we are asking anyways._

 _But I will leave the final decision to you Ichigo."_

Ichigo intently listened to the whole plan his quincy spirit had made and contemplated on it for about 10 minutes before answering.

"You have my trust ossan. You have had it for the past 95 years. Both of you do. If you think this is the best course of action, then I will do it.", Ichigo replied which made both his zanpakto spirits smile.

"I just have one question. What did he say about the growth spurt and how are you going to do it?", Ichigo asked pointing at the hollow spirit.

" _Since we had influence during the formation of building blocks of your body we had created back doors in certain systems of your biology._

 _We can nudge your pituitary gland to secret growth hormones faster than normal for a few years. After that it will revert to its natural growth rate._

 _So for the next few years your physical growth rate will increase which will be very fast in terms of Soul society standards but still very slow in terms of human standards.",_ Quincy replied.

"Any side effects?", The doctor in ichigo asked.

" _No. We have made sure of that.",_ Quincy replied reassuring his wielder.

"So how old will I physically be in…. let's say…. 20 years.", Ichigo asked.

"4-5 years." Quiny replied. Ichigo deadpanned.

"That's not very fast, is it?", Ichigo said still deadpanned.

" **Da alternative is ya still being a diaper wearing pain-in-the-ass-infant at 20. Tak ya fukin pick, ya twerp."** The hollow interjected in an annoyed tone.

"YOU WANT TO GO RIGHT NOW YOU BACK & WHILE - BADLY DRAWN CARTOON.", Ichigo said rolling up his not existent sleeve and starting to walk towards the hollow spirit, swords in hand.

The quincy picked up Ichigo off the ground and into his arms mid-way.

"Don't pay him mind Ichigo, he is just sulking that he won't get to talk to you for at least 3 decades. So he is trying to pick a fight. It's how he deals with emotions.", Quincy said to the wielder in his arms.

 **Tch...**

Ichigo reining in the anger at the hollow told in a dangerously calm voice to quincy –

"I understand.

NOW

PUT

ME

DOWN.", Quincy quickly complied seeing the cold fury in his wielders eyes at being manhandled as a child. It didn't help that it all still seemed very funny – from Ichigo's expression to his voice. So he used all his will power to suppress the laughter and returned to the topic at hand.

" _Alright ichigo, as I was saying, that is the best I will be able to do._

 _And that too only up-till the next 30 years. After that your body will seize control and your growth rate will return to normal soul society standards. You will be lucky if you look like a 15 year old by the time the quincies arrive."_

.

.

.

"Hmm… I guess it is what it is then.

Let's do it.

Shiro I am gonna miss you. No need to make that face, I know you will miss me too.

Take care of him, will you ossan. Take care of yourself too.", ichigo said as both of his spirits prepared to lock away his memories and seal away most of his powers.

" _Don't worry Ichigo, I will. I will keep an eye on you too, just in case.",_ The quincy said with a smile.

" **Tchh",** was the hollows only reply still brooding.

.

.

Both the spirits put their hands on Ichigo's shoulders.

Now Ichigo had to truly leave his life behind.

Leave all his memories, ideals, relationships behind,

he was going to have to leave himself behind and take a leap.

A leap of faith.

Yet doubt still clouded his heart.

Both the zangetsus realized it and said the one thing they have been using to push their wielder to greatness all these years.

.

.

.

.

 **Abandon your fear King.**

 **.**

 **.**

 _Look forward._

 _._

 _._

 **Move forward and never stop.**

 **.**

 **.**

 _You'll age if you pull back._

 _._

 _._

 **You'll die if you hesitate.**

 **.**

 **.**

 _Take the leap,_

 _._

 _._

 **And you will be able to PROTECT ALL.**

A bright blue light enveloped Ichigo and in a flash he was gone. Leaving his two zanpakto spirits alone in his side-ways skyscraper inner world.

* * *

 **A/N – Alright loving the response. Loving the reviews.**

 **Slightly serious chapter. Yes we will need to have those too in this story.**

 **Now next chapter will have a time skip. May be multiple time skips. Not sure yet.**

 **If you liked the story or the chapter or both. Please favourite, follow and Review.**

 **Your reviews motivate me to write and get of the next chapter out soon. Proof is in front of you. 3 days** **3 chapters.**

 **Till The Next Time!**


	4. Chapter 4: The Menace Of Soul Society!

**I DO NOT OWN BLEACH.**

 _ **Chapter 4: The Menace of Soul Society**_

To put it simply, yuroichi was having a slow day. There was nothing new to do. No new missions to assign. No paper work to sign. So all yuroichi could do was whine.

In a stoke of insight an idea popped into her head. It had been months since she had visited her most favorite and the cutest person in the world.

"I think I will go play with him a bit.", said yoruichi out loud with a simultaneous grin on her face. And using her fastest shunpo she whooshed out of the barracks before soi-fon caught the sight of her.

Because she would insist on coming with.

And her time with him was just theirs and theirs alone. Plus She didn't like interruptions and soi-fon would definitely get jealous with her beautiful angel for some stupid reason.

'Wonder who was his victim today.', she thought with a smile while running at hyper speed from roof top to roof top.

Yoruichi still remembered the day when her favorite kind-of-nephew earned the title of "The Menace of Soul Society" from his family.

.

Yoruichi had known Ichigo since his birth. Because she was kukaku's friend she visited shibas quiet frequently.

Everyone along with yoruichi herself was very surprised to see how much Ichigo was taken with her and how much she was taken with Ichigo.

Once she had brought kisuke with him and Ichigo hit it off with him instantly. Sometimes she even found herself jealous of how close Ichigo and Kisuke had grown over the years.

Most people were either scared of her friend kisuke because of his Onmitsukidō position or his mad scientist aura. But not ichigo. He acted so familiar with kisuke, from the moment he met him, as if he had known him all his life.

Same was with her. From the beginning, Ichigo acted so comfortable around her as if he had known her all his life.

It made her very comfortable around him too.

However Ichigo was obviously the first for kisuke, in terms of children liking him.

Kisuke and Ichigo both loved hanging out with each other so much that, he would visit Ichigo every chance he got.

They pretty soon established a teacher student kind of a relationship where kisuke would being him books and scrolls with all sorts of information to learn.

Even kaien who was weary of kisuke at the beginning from hanging around his son had accepted him as friend/ teacher/ well-wisher of Ichigo's when he had taught Ichigo how to read and write.

However, kisuke did have a penchant for exaggeration. Like when cried, the first ten times, to whoever would listen that Ichigo had learned how to read and write within 10 days under his tutelage.

Of course that was not possible but kisuke was kisuke and he did love making things up or exaggerating them, be it inventions or stories.

.

After 10 minutes of fast shunpo she reached the shiba compound. All the servants and caretakers in the Shiba compound knew her. She was practically family.

As she entered the main compound, she found kukaku designing some of her new fireworks display on the porch of the main house.

"Hey kukaku-chan what's up.", she said hugging her childhood friend.

"Aa nothing, just designing the some new fireworks displays. But not getting anywhere though.", kukaku said in a sad voice.

Yoruichi tilted her head in confusion at noticing Kukaku's missing partner.

"Hey, where is your apprentice and my most favourite person in the world. Shouldn't he be helping you with this?", yoruichi asked her childhood friend.

Kukaku scoffed. "Seriously, sometimes I think you just come here to meet him and I am just the side dish."

"Oo don't be like that kukaku-chan. You know I love you. But put your hand on your heart and tell me, isn't he your most favorite person in the world too?", yoruichi asked her childhood friend.

"Ya, he is. But he is also going to be the reason for my and other shiba's premature greys. You know why he not here? He is standing in the back gardens facing the cherry tree.", kukaku said pinching the binge of her nose.

Yoruichi started laughing because she knew where this was going.

"He is punished again? What did he do this time?", yoruichi laughed trying to sniffle the laughter.

"He….

Don't ask…

Just go and talk to him. The way he explains it you will get a better kick out of it.", Kukaku said trying to sniffle a smile at the topic of her nephew.

Oo… It can't be worse than what he did last time, or time before that, or the time before that.

* * *

**Last Time**

Yoruichi walked into the shiba compound and heard the howling of an extremely furious kukaku shiba and two meke sounding brothers of hers, trying to pacify her.

She went to the front lawn where the commotion was happening and the sight that faced her of her long-time friend, had her rolling on the floor laughing, before any of the shibas on the lawn noticed her.

Kukaku shiba….

.

.

.

The big dog of the Shiba household

.

.

The terrorizer of her brothers

.

.

& the most terrifying woman in soul society after Retsu Unohana

.

.

Had her face scorched like black charcoal and had both her eyebrows singed completely off

.

.

Was being held back by her two brothers from murdering her nephew who was hiding behind his mother.

Once yoruichi got a handle on herself she moved closer to a very irritated Kukaku, being held back by her brothers.

"Hahaha… You-your face! Wh-hahaha-What happened?", yoruichi asked trying and failing to stop the laughter from mixing with her words.

"Shut da fuck up pussy cat!

.

.

Or I 'ill spank ya so hard ya 'ill turn white.", replied the very irritated kukaku.

Yoruichi realizing the danger here managed to sniffle her laughter but the smile still remained.

"Okay. Okay. I am sorry Kukaku. Now what happened? And why are you trying to murder my favourite nephew?", yoruichi questioned.

"ASK HIM!", Kukaku roared, pointing a finger furiously at the little delinquent.

Yoruichi faced her favorite 27 year old toddler-of-a nephew for some answers.

He looked up to his mother who was still smiling, not at all angry at whatever his son might have done.

He assumed her smile as a green signal and came out from behind her to speak.

However from behind yoruichi and kukaku, both the shiba brothers were waving furiously at Ichigo to not speak.

"Hi Dad, Hi Ganju-ji-san!", Ichigo simply waved his hand as brightly as the sun not understanding the meaning of the gestures his father and uncle were making.

Yoruichi, Kaien, Ganju and Miyako just face palmed. Kukaku's glare intensified into a murderous aura towards her brothers.

"What did you do, Ichigo?", yoruichi tried to move past and ask Ichigo.

"Well….

You remember Kisuke-ji-san told us that Tobacco is injurious to health and can cause disease?", Ichigo asked.

A smile forced its way onto yoruichi's face as she got an idea where this was going.

She nodded and prompted Ichigo to continue.

"Well when I came to know that Kukaku-bu san smokes that tobacco, I got worried about her health and asked her to stop.

But she wouldn't listen.", he accusingly pointed a finger at kukaku in a very toddler like way.

"So, I tried to hide her pipe, so she wouldn't smoke. But it didn't work. Either she found it or got a new one.

When I asked her again, she rubbed it off and told me berry berry rudely to 'Shut It'.

So what was I supposed to do?", Ichigo asked in exasperation with both his hands held up in air. It was apparently very cute as yoruichi let out a "Awww" in conjunction with the boy's father.

Kukaku glared at the both of them and then returned her furious gaze at the boy.

"So you did this to me?", Kukaku roared.

"I didn't want to at first. It was Plan C.

I used Plan B but that didn't work either so I had to use plan C.", Ichigo gave his rationale, whimpering under the menacing gaze of Kukaku.

This just raised more questions for everyone present including yoruichi.

The others knew of what hand happened to kukaku right now, but now what was this 'PlanB.'

A mix of intrigued, amused and furious gazes fell on Ichigo, asking the same question – What the hell was 'Plan B'?

His mother took the initiative and asked her loving son.

"Moon Pie what are you talking about. What was your Plan B.", Miyako completed with a smile.

"It was…

Na-Nothing. Hehe.", Ichigo was to explain but stopped under Kukaku's murderous gaze. Even though he was a child, he knew if he told them what he did it would only make things even worse.

"Spil it Ichigo, or I ill'", Kukaku left the threat hanging with her fist in the air.

Ichigo whimpered and started to answer.

"Well, I didn't want to do it but Plan B didn't work. SO I had to. In 'Plan B'

I replaced Kukaku-bu san tobacco with

.

.

.

.

.

With grass.

.

.

.

.

.

Mixed Bonnie-chan's POOP,

.

.

.

.

But Kukaku-bu san STILL KEPT SMOKING IT FOR 3 DAYS. I heard her telling a servant that it was the FRESHEST AND THE BEST she ever had.

.

.

.

.

She didn't even realize something was wrong when the servants and the rest of us kept running away from her because of her bad breath.

SO YOU SEE… I **HAD** TO DO IT. I DIDN'T have a CHOICE.", Ichigo concluded pleading his case, with an exaggerated movement of hands and a pleading bottom-lip-out cute/innocent face.

However by the end of his conclusion, everybody was shocked. They stayed shocked for a couple of minutes. Then everybody stated coming back to their sense. They realized, Ichigo had made KUKAKU SMOKE POOP.

Kaien's, Ganju's and Miyako's worry for the boy stated rising. The former two prepared to withhold kukaku from doing something rash and the latter slyly guided Ichigo behind her so she could act as a shield.

Yoruichi was now in a full blown fit of laughter. Kukaku on the other hand had reached a new level of anger.

"Ya… Ya made me smok pa-pa-poop", kukaku said puking a little in her mouth.

Yoruichi's laughter intensified on the ground.

"Ya…. Son-of-a….", kukaku blew a gasket and had to be again held by her two brothers from behind from doing something rash.

"Ya.. Like ya had no choice when ya made a firework dragon erupt from inside the toilet when ganju went to pee in the morning that day and it chased him around the house trying to bite his dick off.

Or when ya drew boobies on yar fathers forehead with permanent kido ink when he was sleeping.

Or when ya shaved off left side of Koganehiko mustache and right side of Shiroganehiko moustache.", Kukaku roared.

Ichigo deadpanned and said, "But kukaku-bu san you helped me and taught me the firework kido to do that with ganju san.

And with koganehiko and shiroganehiko, I just gave the idea. Ganju-ji san was the one to actually shave it off. I was just standing there keeping guard.

And as for with dad, kukaku-bu san you made the marker for me and ganju san taught me how to draw boobies.

And about today both ganju-ji san and dad knew what I was going to do. They thought it was a good idea. So why am I the only one being blamed." Ichigo continued deadpanning.

Again shock roamed over as a dark cloud in the sky on shibas. Soon a tussle began amongst the siblings, extracting vengeance on the acts against each of them. Ichigo's involvement soon forgotten and waved off as adults manipulating the child.

" You tried to cut off my dick!

.

.

.

You burned off my eyebrows!

.

.

.

YOU DREW NIPPLE ON MY FOREHEAD. I didn't even know about it till the end of the day. Everybody in the division and lieutenants meeting kept laughing at me! But no one told me! (Fake anime tears)"

But yoruichi saw it. Saw the evil smirk on Ichigo's face. Saw how easily he played them and how well he had prepared for this eventuality. Making sure he had a fall guy/guy's in place to share or take the blame when the time came.

She walked away from the tussling siblings and a smirking Ichigo and a sniffling Miyako. "Nice one, Ichigo!", she winked at the manipulative-bastard-of a toddler.

"So how did you do that to Kukaku?", she asked pointing at Kukaku wanting Ichigo to complete the story.

"O that, I just replaced the tobacco with firework's powder.", Ichigo said grinning. "Ichigo what you did was not very nice. Go and apologise.", she said with a stern-semi-smiling face avoiding the use of 'moon-pie' for her beloved child.

Ichigo complied not wanting to take her mothers wrath.

"I am sorry Kukaku-bu san for burning off your eyebrows. Please forgive me!", ichigo said bowing to her aunt.

"Ya, promise not ta do it again?", Kukaku questioned. her anger coming down at the apology.

"Only if you promise never to smoke again!", Ichigo replied honestly.

"And if I do?", Kukaku asked with her eyes twitching with a slight re-emergence of anger.

"Well then bu-san, you will have to make better kido markers to replace your eyebrows and I will have to apologize a lot.", Ichigo said in all honesty.

"Ichigo!", Ichigo's mother scolded with a stern voice.

"I will mom. I am sorry. But as I said I have no option. I will keep mixing poop and fireworks powder in her pipe till she stops smoking.

I love bu-san, and I can bear living with a bu-san with no eyebrows rather than living with no bu-san at all.

I am sorry, but that's how it is. I will accept any punishment you give me.

But I WILL PROTECT BU-SAN, EVEN IF I HAVE TO PROTECT HER FROM HERSELF!", Ichigo said with sheer determination dripping from his words.

All the adults in the lawn were taken aback by the protective nature of the toddler, they all realized in that moment that the name Ichigo suited him the best.

Kukaku on the other hand, ran towards Ichigo while everyone else was still reeling from the shock of the boys words.

This got kaien's attention as he thought that Ichigo had finally pushed kukaku over the edge and he decided to intervene but stopped as he realized what was happening.

Kukaku ran towards Ichigo and swept him up in her arms. She pushed his face into her ample chest and hugged him tightly, while tears leaked out of her eyes uncontrollably falling on his orange locks.

"I PROMISE!", she said.

And pretty much then and there all the tension melted under the emotions of the moment.

* * *

Yoruichi took that as a cue and started moving towards the back gardens by moving through the house.

As she stepped into the gardens she caught the sight of orange mop of hair she came here to see. She saw the owner of the spiked orange locks facing the cherry tree singing a song.

"Breaking the rocks in the hot sun… I fought the law and the law won….

Breaking the rocks in the hot sun… I fought the law and the law won….

Breaking the rocks in the hot sun… I fought the law and the law won….

Breaking the rocks in the hot sun… I fought the law and the law won…."

"It's a nice tune. Where did you hear it?", yoruichi asked impressed at the lyrics.

As soon as the 27 year old-orange haired-bundle of joy heard her voice, he came running and lunged on her giving her a bear hug. She had missed this for months.

"Yoruichi-bu san….. its sooooo good to see you….

Where have you been", Ichigo asked excited to see her aunt.

"Sorry Ichi-bo… Your bu-san was suuuuper busy. But as soon as she got time, she came running to see you.", yoruichi said giving her favourite nephew a bundle of kisses on her face.

"Now tell me what law did you break this time? And who punished you this time?", yoruichi asked grinning at her nephew.

"Both Otto-san and Okka-san." Ichigo replied with a goofy grin ruffling the back of his hair nervously and sweeping the ground with his right leg in front of him.

"But it wasn't just my fault. Shunsui-san helped too… Otto-san and Okka-san didn't punish him! And when I asked them too…. See" Ichigo said pointing at the top of his head to showing her something.

"… they gave me these two big-big lumps on my head. And told to me stand facing the cherry tree all day, as a punishment."

Yoruichi started laughing very openly at the extremely innocent and cute tone of ichigo.

She had a pretty good idea, if shunsui and Ichigo were involved what might have transpired and who might have been the victim.

She was broken out of her thoughts as she saw Ichigo get up, dust himself off and go back to the cherry tree to stand facing it.

"What are you doing ichigo?", she asked a little confused at his actions.

"I am doing what Otto-san and Okka-san told me to. Standing in front of the tree and thinking about what I did.", Ichigo said in pure child like honesty.

"But nobody is there to monitor you. No one will know if you stop.", yoruichi gave the child an option to see what he would choose.

"But I will know.", was his simple and honest reply.

Yoruichi smile at that. She just loved this kid. He was dubbed the menace of soul society by the people who knew him but he was honest to a fault.

"And what are you thinking right now?", she wondered.

.

.

.

"How I could I have gotten away with it.", he said as if it was the most commonsensical thing in the world.

Yuroichi deadpanned and then loudly started laughing.

"Okay now tell me what did you do?", yoruichi asked forcefully turing Ichigo around to face her. Ichigo pouted.

"Alright Alright, what did shunsui-san and you do together.", yoruichi asked and a big goofy grin appeared on his face.

"Nothing much. We just….

.

.

We just super glued his chair and pen

.

.

.

And we might have also replaced the contents of his shampoo with pink hair dye

.

.

.

And laced his hiyori with iching powder.

.

.

.

And left a pressure sensitive guu bomb above his chair, on the ceiling, which would be triggered when he sat down.", Ichigo said sheepishly.

Yoruichi knew this had something to do with Ukitake or Nanao when she heard that Shunsui was involved, but She Did Not, Even In Her Wildest Dreams Expect This!

Yoruichi felt that she was about to explode from laughter after she came out of the shock.

After she calmed herself down, she wanted to know more.

"Ha… Ha….Ha…. O-Ha-Kay… Then wh-hahaha-at… Hap…?", yoruichi couldn't complete the sentence.

But Ichigo got the jist of it and continued the story.

"Well everything was going according to plan. Shunsui-san had insisted to Ukitake-san that they have a drinking night at 13th barracks.

My dad was supposed to be there with them to take care of Ukitake-san and give them company while drinking.

I would come there and use some excuse of checking up on dad to be there before mom took me home after her shift. And during that time I could roam around in the barracks.

Shunsui-san was supposed to keep dad and Ukitake-san busy while I….made the ARRANGEMENTS", Ichigo said air quoting. Yoruichi suppressed the laughter as he continued.

"So what happened? Did they catch you in the act?"

"Nope, everything went according to plan. I set everything up and got back to the room where everyone was drinking.

And I sat in the corner like a good obedient child with my coloring book."

"So…..tell me… Don't your stop now."

"Well all of this was supposed to be triggered in the morning when me or Shunsui san were nowhere to be found and held accountable. But….", Ichigo brushed his temples intensely as he remembered how their whole plan had fallen ass-backwards in a bee hive.

.

.

.

"Without us knowing, Ukitake-san had invited Yamamoto-san for the drinking night."

.

.

.

Very very cold shivers ran down yoruichi's spine as she try to imagine what might have happened.

Yoruichi felt that she was scared shitless at the mention of Yamamoto and prank in the same sentence as well as she was finding it very hard to control her laughter on the possibilities.

She grabbed Ichigo by her shoulders and shook him violently, "Ichigo don't you dare stop now. Keep going. Keep Going."

"Alright already. I am not stopping. Bu-san you are the one that keeps interrupting me with your laughter and shocked expressions.", ichigo retorted rubbing his bruised shoulders.

Yoruichi gave an apologetic look and Ichigo continued.

"Well everything was going well until Yamamoto-san came." Yoruichi cringed at the causal use of Captain Commanders first name but she and everyone in Ichigo's family had given up when it came to teaching Ichigo of using honorifics. He was just a gone case in that regard.

* * *

 *****Flashback – Ichigo's POV*****

When Yamamoto-san sat down to drink, Shunsui-san literally started sweating bullets.

I don't know why was he so freaked out all of a sudden. He was alright just a few minutes before.

"Aa, Shunsui, Ukitake it's been a long time since we drank together. I thought you had forgotten about your old teacher. But I thank you ukitake, for inviting me. I haven't had a good night drinking with my students in years.", Yamamoto-san said in a tone very unlike of him.

Everybody was drinking and enjoying but shunsui-san was fumbling and talking about declaring it an early night.

"What's the matter shunsui. Are you okay? This was your idea! And I have never seen you back down from drinking before. I once saw you gouge 50 bottles of sake on a dare and still ask for 10 more.

Are you sure you are okay? Should I send Kaien here to get Unohana-san?", Ukitake asked worried about his friend.

Yamamoto nodded and agreed.

"Yes, Shiba-san could you go and get Unohana-san.", Yamamoto commanded my dad.

"No, no, no… its perfectly alright…. I am fine! See!", Shunsui jumped and started doing PT exercises for their benefit.

"Never the less, Shiba-san please go and get Unohana-taichou.", Yamamoto commanded.

My dad got up and left immediately to carry out the orders while telling me to sit in the corner and stay quiet and behave like I had all night.

I just nodded in agreement. There was nothing much more to do, than to sit back, relax and see how it unfolds.

"Sensei, I told you I am alright. I don't need medical attention. There is no need to trouble Unohana-san.", Shunsui-san whined.

"Be that as it may, I want Unohana to join us as well. This will just be like old times. I hope you don't mind, Ukitake.", Yamamoto said.

Ukitake nodded and told him it was a good idea and he wished he had thought of it before.

Soon, Unohana-taichou arrived with my dad.

After greeting everybody including me, she sat down and took a cup of sake.

She noticed shunsui-san was actually sweating and she for some reason found that suspicious and decided to take the direct approach to clear things up.

"Shusui-san, I have seen patients all day, every day for the past 6 centuries. When you see so many patients, you begin to recognize the tell-tell signs when a patient is lying to you. Sweating, reddening of nose, tapping your hands and legs, trying and stopping to touch your eyes, nose and ears; all of which I find you doing. So what are you hiding, Shun-sui-san?", Unohana-san said the last bit with a little bit of mischief in her voice after having a couple of drinks.

Shunsui-san looked like he was about ready to explode, all his previous composure and carefree nature gone.

In his nervousness, he accidentally tipped the sake bottle, the unagi pieces and the special sauce, into the old man's beard and clothes.

Everybody in the room flinched at the room got hot for a second. It was probably that reiatsu thing that dad keeps talking about. Unohana-san had told my Otto-san and Okka-san that I didn't have much. And I probably never will. But still I didn't feel a thing because I was wearing the device, that Urahara-san made for me, to protect me from outside reiatsu.

Soon Yamamoto-san calmed down and looked towards Ukitake.

"Its okay shunsui. It was an accident. But get a hold of yourself. What is wrong with you?

Ukitake – point me towards your bathroom, I need to clean this up.", Yamamoto-san commanded.

"Right. Sensei, use the one in my office. The one in here is broken.", Ukitake-san said with a smile.

Shunsui-san looked like he was about to have a heart attack.

He looked at me with hopeful eyes.

I just gave him a shoulder shrug, indicating that – 'What Could I do?'

"Aa… Sensei, why don't we go to my barracks. I have the best shower in all of seireitei and I will treat you with the best sake you ever had.", Shunsui-san tried his best to control the situation.

"Shunsui-san you don't mean, Captain commander should go out looking like that? What would our subordinates think? That our commander is an old drunk, who can't even handle a little sake?", unohana-san interjected by this time little more tipsy as she kept drinking during the commotion.

Yamamoto-san glared at the drunk and grinning unohana-san.

"She is right Shunsui. Sensei please go ahead.", Ukitake-san added disregarding unohana-san's last comment.

"But… But.. Wait…", shunsui tried to come up with a last ditch effort to salvage the situation but was interrupted by a roaring – "WHAT?", by yamamoto-san.

"Nothing.", Shunsui –san deadpanned for a second. As yamamoto-san walked out of the room and towards the shower in Ukitake-san office.

Shunsui-san sat down, carefree, all hopes lost and started drinking directly from the bottles. He finished 5 bottles in the span of 3 minutes.

"What are you doing shunsui? What's happening? And what was that all about?

And why are you drinking as if it is your last day in afterlife?", Ukitake asked after seeing his friend gulp down another bottle of sake like a fish would water.

"Hahaha…. Wait for it…", Shunsui-san said with scared shitless laughter in his voice and a sad hopeless smile on his face.

No sooner had he said it, everyone in the room could feel Yamamoto-san, reiatsu spike.

Everybody in the room looked at each other wondering what got Yamamoto-san so angry that he raised his reiatsu to such a level. Except for Shunsui-san, who was now down 9 bottles of sake.

Then another reiatsu burst came. This one pinned my father to the ground.

Then another, this one made all 3 captains flinch.

Then another, during this they had to struggle to keep themselves upright.

The door of the rooms burst open into flames with a unsheathed Riyujin Jaka being held by a very pissed off looking captain commander, who's

.

.

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Beard and face was pink,

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.

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Had a pen stuck to his left hand

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Had the back of his hiyori (with 13th division insignia) and Shihakushō torn off exposing his buttocks and legs,

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Using the pen to scratch his back

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And had his head and shoulders covered in BLUE GUU…

Shunsui put his hat on his head and disappeared in a flash of shunpo and yamamoto-san leaving burning scorch marks in his wake went after him.

 ******Flashback-end******

* * *

"Dad told me that, they had to put out fire in Ukitake-san office and then half of the 8th division barracks.

He also told me not to mention this to anyone as they were given strict orders by Yamamoto-san to keep this incident under wraps.

Opps… I guess, I told you. Please don't tell anyone else!"

By the time he had finished talking yoruichi was on the ground –

.

.

.

unconscious.

Was it because of the laughter or the shock, Ichigo did not know.

Ichigo just shrugged and went back to facing the tree and singing the song.

"Breaking the Rocks in The Hot Sun, I broke The Law and the Law Won!"

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **A/N: Hello guys! First things first! 34 reviews, 69 Favourites, 116 follows, 3000 views! You guys are awesome.**

 **Now I Just want to give you an update on my posting schedule. Well there is none. Ideally I will update once in 3 weeks. Because I only get Mondays to write. Plus I have to update my other story too which I haven't done in a while.**

 **And if you like stories like this where Ichigo is not acting like a grumpy-old-prude-constipated-man then please do go and check out "CANDY" by Lord Wolfie. You can find the story on my favorites page. It's a deadpool version of Ichigo. And THE BEST STORY I HAVE EVER READ IN FANFICTION.**

 **Also please keep favouriting, following and most importantly reviewing.**

 **I cannot stress, how much encouragement I get from all of your reviews. Please keep doing so and I will keep rolling out chapters.**

 **Till The Next Time!**


	5. Chapter 5: Feel's So Good!

I Do Not Own Bleach.

 _ **Chapter 5: Feel's So Good!**_

"I am going to kill him.

It's all his fault.

I knew, I shouldn't have had let that man near my son.

I don't care if he is a captain now, I will kill him!.", Kaien said, uncharacteristically angry pacing in the back lawn of the shiba estate with his wife standing near him.

"Don't you think your over-reacting Kaien?", Miyako said rationalizing.

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?

.

.

Didn't you hear What YOUR MOON-PIE Just said?", Kaien said roaring in anger.

"Well can you blame him? We never exposed him to any details of it. Nor did we ever teach him or told him about any of it. We asked others not to as well. Then how is he supposed to like it?", Miyako shiba tried to reason to her husband.

"But honey, OUR SON! OUR SON, SAID BEING A SHINIGAMI is STUPID!

And he would Rather Be AN INVENTOR!", Kaien said, crying anime tears.

Both the parents sighed at that memory of their 34 year old son declaring it at the dinner table that night.

They gazed at the shed with the closed door that was built by their son 7 years ago as his '1st Laboratory'; as their son put it.

"You know Kaien, don't you think it's for the best? This way we won't ever have to say no to him in the future when he brings up becoming a shinigami.", Miyako reasoned depressingly.

"You do remember what Unohana-san said all those years ago right?", Miyako added to her husband.

* * *

 *****Flashback*****

It was quiet a beautiful spring day, with sun shining brightly in the sky and the temperature just above 24 degrees Celsius. Making the day pleasantly cold but not overly so.

Yet both parents, Kaien and Miyako Shiba sat worried on the ground, hand in hand, across the Japanese style table, in the office of the 4th division Captain while she and her 12th seat examined their 10 year old baby boy in the next room.

A lot of thoughts were going through both the parents minds, none of them pleasant.

Both the parents were extremely protective of their child. They had almost lost him once before he was born, there was no way they were going to take that chance again.

If their son was sick, they would go to hell and back to make him better. But that determination didn't help with the fear that their son might actually turn out to be sick.

Both parents were brought out of their scary thought when the captain of the 4th , Unohana Retsu entered the office.

"Unohana taichou, where is Ichigo?", the worried mother asked the captain as soon as she entered her office.

"Don't worry Miyako –san, he is playing with my 12th Seat Isane while we talk." The kind captain smiled and answered.

This did nothing to alleviate the worry of both the parents.

'This could only mean something bad. Kami PLEASE! Ichigo has to be alright!', the both parents begged to a higher entity in their thoughts as the captain of the 4th sat down in her chair across the desk.

"There is nothing to worry about physically. Ichigo is perfectly healthy.", Unohana Retsu began giving her diagnosis.

"But unohana-san, if he is fine then why is he growing up so fast? He is just 10 years old and he is walking already. He shouldn't be able to do that until he is at least 20 right?

And also why were his first words,

.

.

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BOOBIES!

.

.

.

And His second words,

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FUCK YOU!

'Fuck You' taichou! 'Fuck you!'

I mean not Fuck You specifically Taichou.

I mean it's not like you are not fu-….. Na-Not that I would ever. I mean I am marrie-….

I mean…

I me-mean his second words were Fuck You.", Kaien started rambling and then making it even worse once he realized he actually said Fuck You in front of one of the Oldest and Strongest Shinigami's to ever exist, to her face.

Unohana Retsu's smile changed into a scowl and she stopped looking at Kaien and directed her attention towards the quiet and afraid mother, ignoring the father.

"Well, even though your son is physically fine. I am extremely sorry to say, he has very little reiatsu. He will never have much. He will certainly never have enough to even enter an academy entrance exam, let alone become a shinigami.", Unohana Retsu stopped, to let both the parents process the news.

As expected, the news had devastating effects. Miyako would have broken into tears, if Kaien hadn't moved across his chair and hugged her.

"Is-Is this because of the accident?!", Miyako asked fearing it was her fault that her son would have to spend his life without inheriting the enormous reaitsu that most of the natural born members of the 5 great noble clans enjoy.

Sadly Unohana nodded, making her worst fear come true.

"I am sorry, but that can be a very likely cause. Any injuries during the pre-natal period could have devastating effects in later life.

And sadly Ichigo suffered a life threatening one. My diagnosis here is that, even though somehow he survived the injury, he lost his reiatsu in the process.

But I urge both of you to look at the bright side. Even though he will only have a little reiatsu all his life, he is perfectly healthy. And he is very luck to be so.

Some of the cases I have seen with these kinds of injuries before, if the children are lucky enough to survive, which is very rare in itself, the children are born with a lot of deformities and/or intellectual disabilities.", Unohana completed trying to give some solace to the grieving parents.

Kaien had to spend a couple of minutes consoling his wife that it wasn't her fault. But nothing could be done. Not there at least. Miyako had taken to heart that it was all her fault. Only time would heal that wound, if it ever could be healed.

But Kaien still had questions that needed to be answered before he could spend his whole effort on supporting his wife.

"Bu-But taichou, why is he growing up so fast, if he is healthy? I was still pretty much a babbling infant till I was 20 years old.", Kaien asked consoling his wife.

"Kaien-san that has to do with reiatsu as well. As you know the more reiatsu you have, the slower you age until you reach your power maturity and stop ageing.

But in case of souls like Ichigo, that have very less reiatsu, they age quickly. I recon he will live for about 300-350 years until he dies of old age." Unohana Retsu broke the bad news as quick and painlessly as she could.

The parents sitting in front of her were going to have to see their son age and die, in the same number of years it takes an average shinigami to enter young adulthood.

This was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Miyako broke down and ran out of the room crying for her child.

'It's my fault!

It's all my fault!

.

.

I am the reason my baby boy is going to die.

.

.

He isn't even going get to live a full life.

.

.

Oo Kami, I am so sorry… It's all my fault!

I am so so sorry, my moon-pie!

I am a bad mother! I am a very very bad mother!

I don't deserve an angel like you! I am so sorry!' she kept thinking to herself as she leapt into the other room hugging her son and not letting go.

The father of the child saw the whole scene and was feeling just as distraught as the mother.

No father deserves to see their child die before them. But that was what was going to happen.

Not being able to hold his own tear's, even Kaien started crying.

And no matter how much he would rub his eyes the tears wouldn't stop.

No matter how much he tried, he could not stop crying at the image of his son passing on before his eyes.

He felt a hand on his shoulder as he was standing near the door frame, trying and failing to stop the tears.

"I know it's hard Kaien. And I can't imagine how painful it must be.

But look at it this way. You have 300 years more than you would have had if he had not been born.

You have 300 years to love him and be with him. Be a family. That is more than most people get. Don't let it pass grieving about the future.

You will have plenty of time to grieve once he is gone.

Right now, you need to make the use of the time you have with him. Both of you need to.

Love him and make most of the time you have with him. And make sure when the sun finally sets, all 3 of you have no regrets." Retsu Unohana said, feeling very sad herself at the fate of such a happy and innocent child.

"Thank-you Unohana-san.", kaien turned and bowed to the medical officer in chief, while still being unable to stop his own tears.

He moved into the room and hugged his wife who was already hugging their child to her chest.

He decided then and there, they both would make most of the time they had with their child and they would have no regrets.

 ******Flashback End******

* * *

Hearts of both parents drowned at the memory of that day.

But kaien shook himself and his wife out of it just as quickly.

He had vowed that day, that he was not going to waste another moment thinking about that and he was going to keep that vow.

"But hooooooooonnnnneeeeeeyyyyy! Our son thinks our job is STUPID!

What kind of self-respecting parent can let his child think that!", Kaien whined in a very anime like fashion breaking his wife out of the same chain of thoughts he had a while ago.

Miyako just smiled knowing what her husband was purposely doing.

"Kaien, why are you making a big deal out of this?

You should be happy your son is a genius!

I was over the cloud when Urahara-taichou told me that our son had Iditic memory!", Miyako said in a gleeful tone.

"It's Eidetic memory Miyako. And don't you think I was ecstatic when he said that! I am so happy that my son has found his calling. But does it have to be what that guy does?", Kaien's whining continued.

"Kaien! You should be great full to Urahara-taichou. He taught our son how to read and write. He taught our son the basics of what he does and helped him grow. He is our son's mentor! And you know how Ichigo gets when somebody say's something bad about him.

The last time he saw his assistant hit him, he set off that blue guu bomb of his in her office once she entered it.

.

.

.

The time after that, he mixed bonnie chan's poop in her food.

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.

.

And the time after that, he sneaked into her room at night and left her hand dipping in a cup of water while she was sleeping.

.

.

.

Kaien are we bad parents?

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.

Of course we aren't. We are the awesomest parents ever!

As I was saying,

He would defend him and yoruichi just as vigorously as he would defend any member of this family." Miyako finished in a prideful tone, after getting a little off-tracked.

Kaien on the other hand, could not stop grinning as he remembered how Ichigo with Urahara's help had kept his involvement in the matter hidden from the 12th Lieutenant by leaving a calling card,

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With a crudely drawn clown face and the words,

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"Be Respectful To TALL People" on it.

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Kaien shaken out of the humorous thoughts by his lovely wife as she continued.

"And besides, it's not like we need to worry about his future.

In the past 3 years, my Moon-Pie has changed the soul society as a whole with his inventions and has become a very rich man." Miyako reasoned with Kaien.

* * *

 *****Flashback*****

Ichigo had attended a musical concert with his parents 3 and half years ago After the concert he had heard his mother say that she wished she could hear the concert every night. Her mother's wish was enough to drive him into an inspiration fueled invention drive.

He practically had sealed himself into his lab for 2 months before he emerged with various devices and a business plan.

He had assembled his parents, his uncle and his aunt in the living room began the demonstration of the 3 devices he had invented.

He put a small rectangular shaped disk with two circles in it into a bigger black rectangular box – which was the size of a shoe box. He then showed them a suspiciously penis like looking black object that was connected to the black rectangular shoe box with a think odd feeling black rope.

Ichigo handed the black penis like looking thing to his mother and asked her -

"Mom, can you sing me that song that you sing to me every night. Pleaseeee", Ichigo said with excitement in his voice wanting to show his mother how he had created something to full fill her wish.

Miyako could never say no to that cute face, even if she was feeling on the fence at singing at something that looked like 'that'. So she began for her moon-pie:

" _Good Night To You (Miyako)  
Good Night To Me (Ichigo)  
Now Close Your Eyes And Go To Sleep (Miyako)  
Good Night, Sleep Tight, Sweet Dreams Tonight! (Miyako)  
Good Night, I Looove You! (Miyako)" _

Miyako stopped after completing the first verse see his son face light up as bright as the sun.

Other occupants in the room were either inwardly or outwardly saying – "Aww", feeling the mother-son bond.

Ichigo after giving his mother a bright smile as she completed the first verse, pressed some buttons on the big black box. And then just before pressing another button he looked up at his mother and gave a bright smile once again.

" _Good Night To You (Miyako)  
Good Night To Me (Ichigo)  
Now Close Your Eyes And Go To Sleep (Miyako)  
Good Night, Sleep Tight, Sweet Dreams Tonight! (Miyako)  
Good Night, I Looove You! (Miyako)"_

After everybody came out of the shock they felt when miyako's voice came out of the back box, they were engulfed in the melody of the wondrous object. It almost sounded just as good as when Miyako had sang it in person.

Then everybody looked at Ichigo for an explanation as he began.

"Well, Mom you remember we went to that concert a few months back and afterwards you said, you wished you could hear that concert every night. Well mom, now you can." Ichigo said with a big prideful grin plaster all over his face.

His mom just came around the table and hugged him fiercely. The rest of the family joined in on the group hug not wanting to be left out.

As Ichigo pried himself out of the centre of the hug and settled down on the sofa, he continued.

"I call this a cassette, It is something I use to record sounds on, just like I did with mom's song.

This is what I called Mike, It takes in the sounds that have to be imprinted on the cassette.

This big black thing is something I call the boom box. It works as a conduit to record the songs from the mike onto the cassette. It is also used to play the song.", Ichigo said pointing at all the respective items.

"Wow, My Baby Boy Is Soooooooooooooooooooo Smmmaaaaaaarrrrrrtttttt!

My baby boy is Smartest there is!

Oo the other parents are going to be sooooooooo jealous!

Oo Ichigo, you are becoming a man so fast. Soon I will have to lock you up so that some girl would not come and steal you away from your PAPA!", Kaien said jumping around being his animated self.

Ichigo blushed beat red at the comment. Others just giggled at the boy's father's antics.

"So anyway.", Ichigo said moving forward.

"Dad, the implications of this are limitless. We can start a company that gives SINGERS and even normal pluses a chance to become as big stars as the stars of that concert.

Also we can create another company that can mass produce these things and sell it soul reapers, other nobles and pluses alike. And we can make the factories in rukon that will provide jobs to a lot of normal souls and help increase the living standards of those particular districts.

I have the whole plan ready.

I will just need help. In particular, I will need your help dad, along with ganju ji-san and kukaku- baa san.", All 3 eagerly nodded, instantly impressed and amazed at how well Ichigo had thought this out.

"Dad, if you can I will need you to be the investor.

Kukaku-baa san, you will have to manage the day-to-day running's of the companies.

Ganju-san, you will have to be the head of talent acquisition.

What do you say?" Ichigo asked, hope in his voice.

"Yes! Yes! A thousand Times Yes!

Aa Thank God son!

You don't have to worry about your ji-san and baa-san. I have said yes on their behalf.", Kaien interrupted cheerily.

"Hey!" both the sibling unanimously protested.

"Why r ya sain yes for us. Not that we were gonna say no.", Kukaku roared angrily at her brother.

"Ya, why you saying yes for us!", Ganju put his two cents in.

"Well, because from the lifestyle you two are leading, until today I only saw you both wasting away your future even a 100 years from now. With ganju, leading a pack of BOAR Riding thugs all day around rukon, doing absolutely nothing.

And you kukaku, just lazing around the house all day and only working couple nights a year making firework's displays during festivals.

Even Ichigo moved on from that, once he mastered it.", kaien said giving a stern fact check to both his siblings.

After which both his siblings, accepted the new jobs with the motive of making their big brother proud.

And thus the Shiba Corporation was born.

 ******Flashback End******

* * *

Kaien reminisced that, Because of Shiba corporation, music became a part and parcel of life in soul society. With a new song going on sale in the Shiba Music Hut every week.

Over the years, Ichigo was dove into various fields and created even more inventions like a photo studio where, nobles would come and pay 10 times more to have their picture taken, which looked a thousand times more lifelike than any portrait they could have gotten made.

Eventually that spanned into various other businesses like seireitei communication magazine, hot magazines (Thanks to creative oversight by Ganju and Shunsui), Seireitei Daily New's paper etc.

Still kaien reminisced the moment, he had felt the most proud of his son.

* * *

 *****Flashback******

Once when Ichigo had visited the 13th barracks, his captain was having a bad day because of his illness. When ichigo had seen Ukitake coughing blood, he was horrified. He could not accept that there was no cure to the disease that kind captain was suffering from. Even when the kind captain tried to explain it himself to the boy.

Kaien still remembered the vow his son had given to the kind captain,

"Ukitake-san, I promise to you that I will find a way to rid you of your illness.", Ichigo said, his voice dripping sheer determination.

Which was followed by "Otherwise I would just feel like a bully if I pull a prank and you are not fully 'there' to enjoy it.", Ichigo said with a evil grin on his face that Ukitake had come to be terrified off.

Kaien from behind Ichigo, almost choked on his own saliva at the open challenge/threat his son had given his CAPTAIN.

(SMACK)

"Ouch, Sorry dad. I was just kidding. (Maybe)", Ichigo said nursing the lump on his head.

"Anyways, Ukitake-san you don't need to worry about any more pranks from me till you get cured. I promise", Ichigo said with the same evil-honest grin on his face.

"Anyways, I got to go talk with Kisuke-ji san. Bye"

Ichigo then turned around and ran away towards the Shiba mansion where Urahara was going to be in an hour for their monthly Ichigo-Kisuke time. Where he would spend time with; take a look at Ichigo's new inventions; give him tips; then show him some of his own new inventions; and then finally discuss new pranks that would accidently befall hiyori.

"Kaien, Please don't take this the wrong way,

.

.

.

But Your Son Scares The Crap Out Me!

 ******Flashback End******

* * *

It had almost been two years since then and true to his word, he, Urahara and Unohana had combined their efforts and resources and had not only been able to properly diagnose what the problem was but also almost completely cure it. With only 1 more week of treatment remaining.

"Hello!, Soul Society to Kaien! Can you hear me!", Miyako asked snapping her fingers in front of her husband's face bringing him out of the flashback's.

"Ya, I know. I know. But Still…

As the Head Of the Shiba Clan and the

Self Proclaimed Best Lieutenant Ever,

I Cannot Stand That The Son Of The – Self Proclaimed: Best Lieutenant Ever of The Gotei 13 shall call his Parents Job Stupid.

Starting Tomorrow, After the Captain's meeting I will Teach Him What is The Meaning Of Being A Shinigami!" Kaien declared in all his glory.

Miyako Deadpanned at the Stupidity of her husband.

"These are the times, I remember you are Ganju's brother!", Miyako mumbled to herself low enough that her husband couldn't hear.

"Honey are you sure about this? I don't want him to get his heart set on something and then having to tell him he can't do it.", Miyako rationalized in a stern voice.

"Miyako, sooner or later we have to do it. Even thought he can't become a shinigami, doesn't mean that he doesn't need to know the important stuff about the shinigami and gotei. Besides we need to teach him to fi-", Kaien was replying just as sternly but was cut off by a roaring "NO." by his wife!

"I understand how protective you are off him Miyako. But sooner or later he will need to learn to defend himself. Might as well be now. You know what kind of stunts your son pulls.

He has no concept of fear.

What if gets caught and there is no one around to defend him.

He needs to learn how to defend himself Miyako.

I Am Sorry, But I am PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN!" Kaien finished in all seriousness with a stern voice. Inwardly dancing at his victory once he heard his wife sigh.

His wife came close to him, put one arm around his neck and pulled him in to give him a peck on the cheek.

Next thing he knew,

.

.

.

He was howling in pain

.

.

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At the sword struck in his foot.

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.

"That for putting your foot down.", Miyako whispered in a cold unohana like voice, in kaien's ear.

"If I see once scratch on my baby boy tomorrow evening, I will stab something else,

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Something SMALLER….

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Something more DELICATE…..

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And Make Sure It's Been CUT CLEAN OFF!", Miyako completed in the same unohana like whisper tone in kaien's ear, that sent shivers down his spine.

"Oo honey, Your bleeding, You Should Use That Healing Kido That Your Just So Awesome AT!" Miyako said in a cheerful tone, waking into the house clicking her heels, humming a song.

"Oo… And go talk to Ichigo before you leave for your drinking party with Ukitake-Taichou and Kyoraku-Taichou.", Miyako said in the same cheery tone, not looking back as she went inside the house.

With Kaien left in the Lawn Deadpanning and Bleeding!

* * *

After coming out of the shock of being stabbed and after processing lingering threat of more grievous harm made by his wife, Kaien healed himself.

Then Kaien move towards and knocked on the door of his sons lab. When no reply came, grinning like a mad man, he tried to break the door down to surprise his son.

Just after his second unsuccessful attempt at breaking the door down using his body, two huge firework dragons erupted from the roof of his son's lab and began chasing him.

Hearing all the commotion, Ichigo stepped out to see his father with his zanpakto in hand, fighting the dragon.

As hilarious as the scene was, Ichigo smiled and snapped his fingers making the dragons disappear.

"MY OWN SON! TRYING TO KILL ME!

MIIIYAAAKOOOO!

WHERE DID I GO WRONG!", Kaien whined at the top of his lungs, crying fake anime tears, with his hands in the air.

Shaking his head smiling, Ichigo moved towards his dramatic diva of a father.

"I was not trying to kill you dad. Those are security measure I installed last month when bonnie-chan broke down my door when she was bored and wanted to play with me.

They are only activated when somebody tries to force their way in.

Why were you trying to break down my door?", Ichigo asked looking over his father for injuries.

Kaien smiled at his son's caring nature and replied – "Aa son, I wanted to talk to you man to man! From tomorrow onwards I am going to teach you what it means to be a shinigami and also how to fight! How Does That Sound!"

"Ummm…. I 'ill PASS…Ba-Bye!", Ichigo said turning around and leaving to go inside his lab.

"Aa…. Come on Ichigo…. Do It For PAPA….PLEEAAAASSSEEEE!", Kaien said, trying to attempt a pout.

Ichigo's resolve melting under his father's pout said –"Alright, But I have a conditions. You let me work on my inventions and business. And you help me test out my new inventions. DEAL?"

Kaien nodded in agreement like a happy puppy.

Ichigo smiled. Asked his father to wait there and then ran back inside of his lab to get something.

Ichigo returned, with a black looking brick, the size of kaien's palm and handed it to kaien.

"Dad, this a new communication device I am testing. I need you to keep it on your person at all times. It's got a lot of cool stuff, Let me show you how it works." Ichigo said.

"Aa…. Ichigo, I am your father and self-proclaimed smartest man in seireitei after you. I can figure this thing out myself.", kaien said puffing out his chest.

"You're not even in the top 50 dad. But alright.

So when do we start with your stupid shinigami things.", Ichigo said deadpanning.

"One son, Shinigami are not stupid. Two after the Captains meeting tomorrow morning.", Kaien said after giving a slight smack on his sons head.

"Okay. Dad you're going to Ukitake-san and shunsui-san's secret drinking party right! Can I come!", Ichigo asked grinning.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa….. Ichigo, how do I say this…..

Ukitake-san is kind off…", Kaien was interrupted mid-sentence by Ichigo.

"I know… I know… I am not old enough to drink… And you all might want to let loose, since Ukitake-san is almost cured.

But -", Ichigo said.

"Now that Ukitake-san is almost better, do me a favor and tell him that the promise I made is almost fulfilled.", Ichigo completed with an evil grin.

Kaien remembered the promise and dreaded as the implications dawned on him.

Kaien, got down on his knees to Ichigo's level and held him tightly by the shoulders and said – "Ichigo promise me, that you won't do anything to Ukitake-san! PROMISE ME!", Kaien managed to say in a very stern voice while shitting himself from the inside.

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"I Promise." Ichigo said, too quickly & too casually, that did nothing to quell the feeling of scared shiftlessness inside him.

Ichigo turned around and quickly went back into the lab closing the door.

'I don't know what he is going to do, but I know that I am going to have to apologise A LOT.', Kaien slapped both his hands on his face keeping it covered.

'Well, that's tomorrows problem. Tonight is party night!', Kaien thought as he got up and then subsequently shunpoed to the party at Kyoraku-taichou's private residence.

Party went on till early next morning.

* * *

When the 3 members of the party reached the captains meeting, they looked extremely hung over. This didn't go unnoticed by many captains and lieutenants who were still waiting outside of the huge doors. As the doors slowly opened, the captains and lieutenants were lead inside by the ushers.

They all took their place, including Shunsui, Ukitake and Kaien who was standing behind captain Ukitake.

Once done the present members noticed that many others were absent.

However they didn't have much time to contemplate as the Captain Commander Of The Gotei 13 entered the hall, coming out from his private office.

He banged his cane on the ground indicating the start of the meeting. All the captains and lieutenants present stood in attention at the bang.

Pleased, Yamamoto began to address his subordinates.

"We begin the meeting by acknowledging the absence of Newly appointed captain, Kepachi Zaraki and his lieutenant. We also note the absence of Captain Isshin Shiba and his Lieutenant. All four of them have been dispatched on a mission by me, of which I will inform you later in the meeting.

Also there seems to be an unsanctioned absence of Lieutenant Aizen. Captain Hirako explain where your subordinate is.", Yamamoto ordered.

"Hai, Captain Commander. My lieutenant, Aizen Souske along with my 3rd seat Ichimaru Gin as well as 3rd seat of division 9, Tousen Kaname have been dispatched to the living word in search of the hollow grand fisher that has taken 6 shinigami lives until now.", Yamamoto satisfied with the explanation moved forward with meeting.

"Very Well. The reason I have called this joint meeting for captains and lieutenants is that you all need to be made aware of the sighting of a particular new breed of hollow. Captain Urahara, please brief your colleagues about the matter." Captain Commander Yamamoto of the Gotei 13 commanded.

"Hai. There has been 12 sightings of this mysterious hollow. This hollow has shown the power to cling onto a soul and slowly take control of the body.

We have also found out that even if we were to kill the host, the hollow would simply just jump to another body nearby.

According to my hypothesis, the best way to kill this hollow is between when it jumps bodies. During that time it should be at its weakest.", Urahara-taichou concluded and went back to his place in the line.

"The most recent sightings of this hollow have happened between West Rukon District 50 to West Rukon District 75. And it seems to be moving upwards. So I have dispatched Captain Kenpachi and his lieutenant who are familiar with the area; as well captain Isshin shiba and his lieutenant for support to deal with this hollow." Yamamoto concluded.

"Lieutenant Saskibe, what else is on the agenda for today's meeting.", Yamamoto enquired.

"Yes for tod-", Saskibe was interrupted by a sound.

(TRING TRING… TRING TRING…)

A sound so unique that none of the occupants had heard it before.

Suddenly everybody in the room looked at Kaien as the originator of the sound.

When Kaien realized the he was the source of the sound he panicked and looked all over and around himself to find it.

After finding a back brick on his person that was the originator of the sound he frantically pressed every button on it in various combinations to make it stop. While doing so, in an embarrassed and panicked tone he said – "Aa, extremely sorry taichou's and vice-taichou's. It's a new kind of communicator my son made. I don't know to quiet how to use it yet."

Suddenly he lucked out and the tone stopped.

"I apologise again for the disturbance. Please continue Saskibe-san.", Kaien said while trying to make himself as small as possible to hide from the annoyed glares of room's occupants.

But unknown sounds emerged again, but this time it was not a simple ring.

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" _Hey, Hey Jushi-Jushiro, listen to this –_

 _Old Man!_

 _My friend is a FUCKING OLD MAN,_

 _Bald Man!_

 _My commander is FUSSING BALD MAN,_

 _What can I do but sing? – YMCA!_

 _What can I do but sing? – YMCA!_

 _Oo, My friend is fucking old and my commander is fucking bald,_

 _And What can I do but sing? – YMCA!_

 _And What can I do but sing? – YMCA!_

 _Come on Jushi, Kiyen-chin, bing it wid me."_

Kaien promptly swolled the black brick after trying everything and failing to stop the sound from that device.

And it suddenly stopped.

But the damage was done!

Temperature of the room seemed to have increased a 1000 degrees, just enough to cook all the captains inside.

SHUNSUI! JUSHIRO! SEEMS MY STUDENTS HAVE ONLY GROWN IN AGE NOT IN INTELLECT! I want to see you after the captains meeting.

By this time, both the students of the ancient one were sweating bullets! Was is because of the temperature or was it in anticipation of what was to come after the meeting, even they didn't know.

Jushiro tried to take control of the situation.

"I am extremely sorry sensei. Shunsui and me had a little too much yesterday night. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me (fake cough) and shunsui here (fake cough), We promise you won't ever hear anything as juvenile as this from us ever again.", Captain Jushiro said head bowed to the commander.

Taking pity on his sick son like student, Commander even though of forgiving them after a stern lecture for their lack of respect and lapse of judgement. But

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Then the dreaded black brick rang again! And this time with something worse!

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" _Sometimes (Jushiro)  
Something beautiful happens  
In this world (Shunsui)  
You don't know how to  
Express yourself so (Jushiro)  
You just gotta sing (Jushiro & Ukitake)"_, both the captains slowly & dreadfully turned their heads towards the accursed brick off doom in Kaien's hand and jumped him… All dignity of them being captains and in the captains meeting lost…. Trying to destroy it before what came next!

" _I just had SEX (Shunsui)  
And it felt so good - Felt so good (Jushiro).  
A woman let me put  
My penis inside of her (Jushiro & Shunsui)"_

The room came to a standstill with pin drop silence. Nobody knew how to react to the new development. But soon a mixture of emotions, like - Hells furry, scandalous and scared shitlessness started showing on the faces of the room occupants. However the brick kept singing.

 _"I just had sex (Jushiro & Shunsui)  
And I'll never go back. (Jushiro)Never go back (Shunsui)  
To the not-having-sex  
Ways of the past (Shunsui)_

 _Have you ever had sex?(Jushiro)  
Do you think sensei has? (Shunsui)  
(Laugh) I have it felt great (Jushiro)  
It felt so good. It felt so good. (Jushiro & Shunsui chorus)  
When I did it with my penis (Shunsui -Rap)  
A girl let me do it (Jushiro -Rap)  
It literally just happened (Shunsui -Rap)  
Having sex can make a nice (Jushiro -Rap)  
Man out of the meanest (Shunsui -Rap)  
Do you think we should get sensei laid? (Shunsui)  
I think we should. I think we should. (Jushiro)  
He will feel so good once he puts that old penis inside of her. Inside Her (Jushiro & Shunsui)"_

By this time shunsui and ukitake's clothes had started to catch fire from the inferno of spiritual pressure being directed at them. But they still paid it no mind as they both of them had their swords out trying to break the dam thing with repeated strikes but it wouldn't budge.

"That's it! Move shunsui! Hado No.3-" Ukitake prepared to blow the cause-of-their-soon-to-be-death to kingdom cum.

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On the other hand, Shunsui had Kaien by the collar on the ground - shaking him and asking –

"IS YOUR SON TRYING TO GET US KILLED!

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HAS YOUR SON TAKEN MONEY FROM MY EX-GIRLFIRNEDS TO GET ME KILLED!

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IS THIS HIS PLAN?

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DEATH BY RIYUJIN JAKKA?" Shunsui roared while suffocating and banging kaien's head on the floor, while the rest of the captains and lieutenants tried to pry the flowered kimono/ soon to be dead captain off of Kaien Shiba.

 _._

 _._

 _._

" _Oh hey, didn't see you there (Jushiro)  
Guess what I just did?(Shunsui)  
Had sex, undressed  
Saw her boobies and the rest (Jushiro & Shunsui)  
Was sure nice of her to let you (Jushiro)  
Do that thing (Shunsui)  
Nice of any girl ever (Jushiro)  
Now sing (Shunshui)"_

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By this time both Shunsui and Jushiro were on their knees, ready to give the captain commander blow jobs, if it got them out of this mess.

Which at any moment was going to escalate into their swift Death's.

But they settled for profusely and repeatedly bowing their Heads to their sensei's feet asking for forgiveness.

But the black brick of doom kept on singing! Even as kaien kept hitting the brick with his zanpakto hoping that it would top digging him a bigger grave than it already had.

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" _She kept looking at her watch (Jushiro)  
Doesn't matter, had sex (Shunsui)  
But I cried the whole time (Jushiro)  
Doesn't matter, had sex (Shunsui)  
I think she might've been a quincy (Jushiro)  
Doesn't matter, had sex (Shunsui)  
She put a bag on my head (Jushiro)  
Still counts (Shunsui)_

 _Hey about captain commander, do you think Un-_ "

The sentence form the cursed brick was suddenly replaced by the voice of something else.

"Hello! Dad? You there? Can you hear me?", a child's voice came from the brick.

Before the new voice appeared and as it did, Jushiro's and Shunsui's expression went from utter dread and accepting the finality of their death by another captain altogether, to ecstatic euphoria to unrivalled anger!

"IIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU ARE GONNA GET PAPA KILLED!" Before Jushiro or Shunsui or anyone else in the room could say anything Kaien started crying real anime tears this time and whining into the Future Exibit A of his death.

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"Why Whats Up?", Ichigo said as casually as eating a cake!

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"WHATS UP? WHATS UP?" Shunsui and Ukitake roared together at the brick, just as they had in the song.

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"Yeah, What's Up?", Ichigo said digging dirt out of his other ear and checking it.

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Despite their roaring red angry faces and skyrocketing blood pressure at the evil spawn's causal tone,

They didn't quite know,

How to put, what had just transpired into words.

"CAPTAIN KYORAKU. CAPTAIN UKITAKE. DON'T NOT BLAME THE BOY FOR YOUR ACTS. IT WAS YOUR VOICE IN THAT THING, WASN'T IT?", Yamamoto said throwing full fury of his volcanic spirit pressure on the two captains.

"Ya-ye-Yes", both the captains said together, at the sprit pressure of their sensei threatened to turn them into sunny-side-up-eggs on the ground.

"THEN APOLOGISE TO THE BOY!", Yamamoto commanded.

"We are sorry Ichigo", Swallowing their pride and anger under the fear of death, they apologised to the Black Brick of Doom.

"Its okay. I forgive you.

But I still don't know what you are apologising for.", Ichigo said, inspecting the dirt he had dug from his ear and smelling it.

At this both the oldest captains almost lost it. But before they could scream into the brick, Kaien interrupted –

"Ichigo, what are you doing?!

Apologise Now!

You exposed the songs they were singing yesterday at the party in front of all the captains in a meeting.", Kaien roared in anger at and in fear for his son.

"What? No I didn't. I have no idea what you are talking about.", Ichigo's surprised voice came from the brick.

By this time all the occupants in the meeting room were confused. Even the people in the room who didn't know Ichigo personally, thought that all of this was orchestrated by the child as a prank.

But apparently the child was saying otherwise.

"What are you talking about Ichigo.

Why are you lying Ichi-chan." Jushiro & Shunsui said into the brick.

"Let me ask you this dad, yesterday after I gave you the communicator, did you press any buttons on it or play with it in any way.

And did you do the same today, when or after I first called?", Ichigo asked rubbing his temples at his own fathers stupidity.

"I did today, but I didn't do anything yesterday. I only showed it to Ukitake-taichou and Shunsui-taichou yesterday. They…." Kaien paused and then hesitated to complete the sentence as he recollected what had happened.

"….Might have had….umm…. pressed some buttons…."

"Well then congratulations…. Yesterday, either Ukitake-san, or Shunsui-ji san, or both of them accidently activated the record feature on it and today when I first called, you accidently managed to change the ring tone to that of the recordings last night.", Ichigo said in an exasperated voice.

"Then why didn't you teach your father how to use this brick properly young-kun.", Yamamoto said to brick.

"Is that you _Genryūsai-san_?", Ichigo asked non-chalantly.

But every fucking person in the room had a heart attack at such a casual use of Captain Commander's first name.

However the man himself smiled and scoffed it off under his beard.

"Well I Tried. But Dad said, and to quote: _Aa…. Ichigo, I am your father and self-proclaimed smartest man in seireitei after you. I can figure this thing out myself._

Even a dumb ass can figure it out in an hour. Ganju-ji san did it in 30 minutes.

So I thought he would be fine.", Ichigo said extremely irritated at this point.

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.

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"Ichigo…. My Baby Boy…. You Are Really Gonna Get PAPA KILLED", Kaien said in a low voice crying as his life flashed before his eyes.

"Oo Chill Dad…. _Genryūsai- san_ is not going to hurt you. He is just like a coconut. Gruff, ruff and hard from the outside and sweet and tender from the inside. He wouldn't hurt you for such a small misunderstanding."

"Iiiichiiiigooo…pleaseeee stop talking", Kaien pleaded for his life to his son.

"Young-kun you are too smart for your own good. If decide to become a shinigami, I might just take you under my wing.", Yamamoto's statement had a shock and awe effect on everyone in the room.

In his whole 3500+ year old life, the number of student's Yamamoto had taken on personally could be counted on one hand. Yet he had extended this offer to a, by their standards, infant.

Even though Kaien and captains like Urahara, Yoruichi, Ukitake, Shunsui & Unohana knew the truth about Ichigo's condition and were well aware that it will never happen, they were still just as impressed as others in the room.

"Thanks… I will keep that in mind….", Ichigo replied casually.

Everybody in the room cringed at the casual reply/dismissal of Yamamoto's offer.

"Ichigo now tell me how do I shut this device. I will talk to you later.", Kaien said realizing that every occupant in the room was standing within his two feet so that they could hear the conversation properly. And it was getting kind of crowded.

"Wait…Wait Dad… Can you come pick me up…

I was Kind-Of-Sort-of Kidnapped…."

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(That's it.)

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(Chapter is Finished)

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(Go Home!)

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(Done! Mutu! Khatam! Yta! Fini!)

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(I am just fucking with you…. Keep on reading)

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"WHAT!?", Kaien, Kisuke and Yoruichi yelled so loudly that Ichigo almost blew his ear drum.

"I was Kind-Of-Sort-Of-Kidnapped!

Is my voice not clear or something?

Note to self - Check receptors.", Ichigo started talking to himself.

"Ichigo what happened? Where are you? I am coming to pick you up right now!", Yoruichi said in a panicked voice into the device before anybody could respond.

"Ichigo tell me where you are? Are the kidnappers still around? Where are you hiding? Make sure they don't catch you with your communicator!", The other mother hen called Urahara Kisuke said into the device, worried about his son like protégé.

Kaien was a wreck at that moment. His worst fears had come to life. His son was in danger and he was not around to protect him. He had failed as a father. The fear of losing his son had his voice all chocked up. But he still managed to get some sentences out.

"Ichigo tell me where you are. PAPA is coming right now.", Kaien managed to get out in a stern voice.

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"Oh, hey yoruichi-baa san, Kisuke-ji san, don't worry I am fine.

Kidnappers are not after me anymore and I think I am in West Rugokai District 78 – Inuzuri.", Ichigo said trying to calm down the mother hens.

"But But…. That's Impossible…. I saw you yesterday evening Ichigo… How did you get from 3rd Rukon to 78th District in such a short time. The only way that someone could get there so fast is through use of shunpo. And only soul re…..

Ichigo did a Soul Reaper Kidnap You?", Kaien said, his trust in his own organization failing.

Everybody else in the room also made the same conclusion. And they were disgusted by it.

"Kind of…", Ichigo said.

"Ichigo, tell me are you safe for the time being. Is there anyone after you right now?", Ukitake Jushiro asked trying to properly assess the situation.

"Yes, I am. No all the kidnappers knocked out and sleeping right now.", This further shocked everyone. Because there was more than one person involved. All the culprits had been somehow subdued.

"Can you tell us what happened, young-kun?", Yamamoto enquired, quite intrigued by the boy.

"Yes I can. But I need Kisuke-ji san help first.

Kisuke-ji san I am currently sitting on a soul reaper who I think is being possessed by a hollow.

Got any ideas?", Ichigo said nonchalantly.

Every captain and lieutenant in the room on the other hand were just about ready to piss their pants.

If they took Ichigo at his words, it meant that, he had made a foot stool out of a hollow that they had to dispatch two captains and two lieutenants to care off.

"Ichigo get away from that thing! It will try to possess the nearest soul if you have knocked out the current host.", Kisuke warned, still reeling from the unbelievable fact that Ichigo had knocked not only his kidnappers out but also a very dangerous hollow.

"Don't you think I know that ji san. Sometimes you forget that you are my teacher. He is triple wrapped from head to toe in seki-seki rock laced restraint bandages, That I CREATED. No soul reaper or hollow can get through it. This puppy is not going anywhere.", Ichigo said smacking the ass of the wrapped up soul reaper he was currently sitting on.

Kaien by this point had Kisuke by the collar shaking him and asking – "Is he right? Is my boy safe?"

"I don't know. It should technically work…. We use seki-seki rock to keep hollows outside of seireitei…. So it should keep them trapped inside of something as well.", Kisuke reasoned to the panic stricken father.

"Captain Commander Yamamoto. Ukitake-Taichou, I officially request your permission to leave the meeting to get my son." Kaien asked for the permission from his superiors.

"I ask for permission to accompany Lieutenant Kaien. He might need help containing the hollow when we get back.", Urahara joined in.

"I asked permission to accompany them as well.",Yoruichi Joined in.

"Kaien & Urahara-san you have been granted the permission, leave immediately and bring your son straight back here for debriefing.

Lieutenant Saskibe, send hell butterflies with messages to Captain Shiba and Captain Zaraki to meet up at the place with their lieutenants, where Kaien Shiba's son is.

Yoruichi-taichou your permission is denied. There are already 3 captains and 3 lieutenants on this. Your anxiety is understandable but your assistance is not unnecessay.

I am adjourning the meeting till we can get Lieutenant Kaien's son back and do a debrief.

But none of you are to leave the meeting hall till it is done.

Urahara-taichou & Lieutenant Shiba you are dismissed. Go and get Ichigo, the hollow and the prisoners who kidnapped Ichigo back as soon as possible.", Yamamoto commanded.

"Hai.", was the unanimous response from both.

"Hey wait. Dad do you know where exactly am I?", Ichigo asked a very sensible question as two would have rushed out a second later without knowing where exactly he was in the extremely big 78th district.

"Hehe… I guess we did forget to ask you that. Please do tell us Ichi-kun, where are you exactly.", Urahara Kisuke said rubbing the back of his hair in embracement.

"Well from what I can make out, it's the second tallest peak in the district.

Wait Let Me Ask This Nokia Chick if There Are Any Other Landmarks".

"Its RUKIA YOU ORANGE BASTARD!", another voice came from that black brick.

"Calm Down Midget….

Is She Always Like This?

Are You Constipated Or SomeThing

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Owww….

Owww…

Stop Hitting Me?

I am not into that kind of stuff"

Everybody in the room went red at ichigo's comment.

'This boy knows a lot more than he should for his age', was everybody's thought.

"First, I am not a Midget.

Second, That is no way to talk to a lady!

Third, I am taller than you Strawberry!

Fourth, Are you crazy or something, why in the hell are you talking to a brick?!", the voice of a very pissed off girl was heard from the phone.

"Crazy is my middle name short stuff…

Now tell me is there any other landmark around to help someone get here or is this enough?

Okay, that's it Dad. Come and get me. Also can you come with some food or money. I don't have any on me."

Kaien really wanted to make a joke on how his son had got found him his first daughter in law.

But the situation was just too serious to let him make that joke.

But if everything went well, Kaien thought he was going to have some very strong ammunition to annoy his son.

What else does a father live for?

"Ichigo, I am keeping this black brick with me. Stay in touch alright. PAPA IS COMING!"

Both Kaien and Urahara left in a whoosh of shunpo.

While others took a break till the meeting could resume.

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 **A/N: You see what you made me do! Because of all you evilly awesome people and your evilly awesome reviews,**

 **I accidently put out a 8.5k chapter 2 weeks early. (Y-T3ch said with exasperated sigh).**

 **So don't you go and keep giving me so many reviews. Otherwise I might just put out the next chapter even early.**

 **I am just kidding. Keep reviewing. This chapter is the soul result of your awesome reviews.**

 **Also I am opening the floor for you guys. I need your help. If you have any ideas or websites about pranks you think could go well in this story, please leave a comment or send me a pm. If I can I will put it in the story.**

 **Also do let me know did the songs work for you.**

 **And if you have questions that why are so many future things happening now in the story including songs and indestructible cell phones, I will give a long worded explanation in the next chapter.**

 **For now this is it.**

 **Till The Next Time!**


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